Tacky: Every Bride’s Nightmare

If there’s anything brides fear more than being jilted at the alter, it’s having people think their wedding is tacky. You see this word posted all over the message boards and blogs, you’ll hear it on your mother’s lips, and you’ll read about it in bridal magazines.

Well Offbeat Bride has a great commentary on how to avoid being tacky when planning your wedding. Basically, um, don’t even try.  Because someone, somewhere, is bound to think something about your wedding is tacky:

People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There’s muttering over etiquette: “I want to do things this way … but is that tacky?” brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night.

I’m here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY.

Because you see, “tacky” is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. (Read the rest here!)

You’ve got to focus on pleasing yourself. As Offbeat Bride defines it, “tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won’t approve of your wedding.”

Nevertheless, I’m going to go ahead and state that some things are pretty much universally agreed on as being tacky. That’s why there are websites out there like Tacky Weddings, where you can stare, horrified, at brides in thongs, bridesmaids in neon pink bras, wedding logo overload (“If you’re looking for wedding logos stamped all over everything like Chinese water torture thumped into your head over and over, you’ve come to the right place.”), sex on the beach cake toppers, and the ultimate slutty bridal gown.

Despite all this, Tacky Weddings does share the viewpoint that  “Your wedding is your day, do what you want, do what makes you happy and to hell with what anyone else thinks.   Be proud of your day, shout it from the mountaintops!!  What one person thinks is tacky another person may see as fun and innovative.   My opinion is no better (and no worse) than anyone else’s. It’s not the end all be all, me liking or not liking a perfect stranger’s wedding does not change a thing. The moral of this story?  Who cares what I think about your wedding Yanna, I am nobody.  Rock what you’re gonna rock, and flip everyone the bird.” (Who is Yanna? Check it out!)

But I’m going to go ahead and give you a few pointers on avoiding tacky, in light of what is generally considered to be tasteful and appropriate for a wedding. This is only my opinion, so feel free to add something in the comment section!

Wearing Slutty outfits: Even if it’s part of a theme–especially if it’s part of your theme… (Join us at our Stripper Extravaganza!) The bride and bridal party can be beautiful and sexy while still leaving something to the imagination. Skin-tight spandex, overflowing bosoms, bare midriffs… well, unless you plan to wed in a nightclub, it’s just not appropriate wedding attire.

Asking for Money. You gotta know your audience, but generally making people pay for their wedding meal or having a dollar dance (where guests are supposed to line up to dance with the bride and stuff money into her apron) should be avoided (unless, of course, this is some kind of family tradition?).

Playing Crude Music: Dedicating a song to the bride is sweet… but not when it’s “Crazy B—“.  Giving Grandma a heart attack over desert is not the best way to end off your big day. Getting blasted with “It’s Getting Hot in Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes” is a bit shocking too, especially when you’re in middle of a conversation with the Rebbetzin (that happened to me at a wedding.)

Being Pissed… and Showing it:  As much as you planned and prepared, something is bound to be less than perfect. You gotta be prepared to roll with the punches, not like one bride who was “cursing and complaining as she stomped around” lighting tea lights that the staff forgot to turn on.  I bet no one thought she looked particularly attractive. Remember, handsome is as handsome does.

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