Engagement and the Essence of Love

Do you think you’ve found “The One”? Are you thinking about getting engaged? A marriage partner is someone that you hope to spend the rest of your life with, and you don’t want to make any mistakes. Being in love is a wonderful thing, but is it enough?

According to Dov Heller, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the essence of love is friendship. “LOVE IS A RELATIONSHIP IN WHICH EACH PERSON VALIDATES AND RESPECTS THE OTHER PERSON’S FEELINGS AND INDIVIDUALITY AND IS COMMITTED TO NURTURING THE OTHER PERSON’S GROWTH, WELL-BEING AND HAPPINESS.”

Here are a list of very important questions to ask yourself, before you say “I Do”:

1. What is your worst fear if you marry this person?

2. What do you still need to know in order to be certain you want to marry this person?

3. Is he/she a kind person?

4. Is he/she a responsible and honest person?

5. Do you find him/her attractive?

6. Does he/she take care of his personal hygiene, health, and nutrition?

7. Do you feel this person is trying to change you?

8. Do you feel fully accepted by this person?

9. Do you admire and respect this person?

10. What do you see when you look in his/her eyes?

11. Does he/she like him/herself?

12. Do you work well together as a team?

13. Are your values, priorities, life philosophy, and goals compatible?

14. Do you communicate well and listen to each other?

15. Is this person unhappy? Depressed? Confused?

16. Do you understand how men and women’s primary emotional needs are different?

17. Do you trust his/her judgment?

18. Can you live with this person exactly the way he/she is today?

19. What is this person really into? Do you respect and identify with it?

20. Can you express your feelings and opinions honestly and openly with this person?

21. Is he/she critical or judgmental of you?

22. Do you feel emotionally safe with this person?

23. Are you afraid of this person in any way?

24. Can you be yourself with this person? Can you be playful?

25. Can you be vulnerable with this person?

26. Do you like the way you feel when you’re with this person? Do you feel relaxed?

27. Is this person emotionally available?

28. Does this person have any compulsive behaviors or addictions?

29. Was this person abused in any way growing up?

30. Are there any psychological disorders in either of your families?

31. Do you trust him, without a doubt?

32. Does he/she have integrity?

33. Do you care about what happens to this person and want to help him/her succeed in life?

34. Are you certain that this person will respect your feelings and needs?

35. Do you want to have children with this person?

36. Would you want your kids to be like this person?

37. Do you want to be more like this person?

38. Have you thoroughly checked out this person’s character with reliable people?

39. Are you in agreement about your “lifestyle” and family expectations?

photo credit: wedding bells blog… thanks!!

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