“Feminist” becomes a bride, grudgingly

Last Tuesday, I emailed one of the only married friends I have, because I was freaking out.  I wasn’t regretting my decision to get married, but I nonetheless had an “I can’t do this” kind of feeling. So blogs a bride in Some Final Thoughts on my Wedding.

With help from her friend, she was able to identify the source of her anxiety, which was not the fact that she was getting married. She wanted the courthouse, as she put it, not the wedding. She wanted a reception where she could celebrate with family and friends, but she was uncomfortable with the gender-based role that traditionally dictates what a bride should look and behave like.

This poor woman felt like she was “playing the role of someone else” when she let herself be pressured into a bridal gown,  complete with hair and make-up.  She calls herself a feminist, but from her description of herself, she sounds like a plain old-fashioned tomboy too!

Her problem seems to me that she’s just not a girly girl. She doesn’t own any make-up except some lip gloss. She tweezes her eyebrows but doesn’t shave her legs.  She doesn’t like “girly drinks,” prefers to wear pants, burps with the best of ’em, and doesn’t care how much she weighs. So you can imagine that getting dolled up in satin and lace, with her face made-up and hair stiff with hairspray, was not her notion of the ideal celebration.

“I disliked the wedding because it required that I perform in ways that don’t work for me… I wonder if, had I been more attuned to the ways in which the wedding was making me perform, I could have better explained to my partner the reasons for not wanting a traditional wedding ceremony.”

I guess the lesson to be learned, for all those brides out there, is that you shouldn’t be pressured into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. If it’s something small that won’t really affect you on the wedding day, give in and be a peacemaker. But it’s your day, and it should be full of happiness for YOU! Be honest with yourself and don’t make concessions that you will later regret. This is a day that you should be able to look back on and smile, a day on which you can bask in your own wonderful individuality, as you merge your life with someone who will truly appreicate you for who you are.