You have many things on your mind while planning a wedding, but don’t forget to say thank you to the bridesmaids who have stood by your side through it all! A small (or large!) bridesmaid gift will let her know how much you appreciate all her loving help and support.

Choose something special that she will treasure throughout her life. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something thoughtful that you think she’ll like. It’s best to buy the same gift for everyone, but you can personalize it by engraving their names on it, or choosing different colors for each gal. Make sure to order them in advance, so that you can present it on the wedding day itself!

Some Gift Ideas to Get You Started!

A handbag or clutch makes a perfect gift for the bridesmaid to carry her personal belonging during the wedding. Each bridesmaid can be given her favorite color bag with her initials on it. Click here for lots of bridesmaids bags, totes, and clutches!

Beach wedding? Destination wedding? Bridesmaids who love the great outdoors? Give them a gift that will be useful on many more happy outings. Personalized totes and picnic blankets are just the thing to keep them smiling!

Beautiful silver jewelry, such as cuffs, charm bracelets, pins, or necklaces.  Click here for sterling silver bridesmaids gifts!

A personalized compact mirror is stylish and useful, adding a touch of glamor to her daily beauty routine…and her makeup touch-ups throughout the day. Click here for compact mirror gifts!

Capture the moment with pretty photo frame with a picture of you and your bridesmaid in it. This will always remind her of your friendship and good times shared. Click here for bridesmaid photo frames and albums!

A spa or aromatherapy kit will help the bridesmaid to relax after all the hectic days and late nights you’ve spent together. If you can afford it, you could even give the bridesmaid a gift certificate to a spa.

For a girly gift, a nice perfume is a sweet option. Here is a gorgeous perfume bottles for her dressing table!  For something more sassy, how about a girls-night-out flask?

Get creative!! At American Bridal, you can buy unique gifts such as pink flasks for the girls who like to party, Sushi-for-two gift sets, tool belts for the fix-it type, rhinestone belts for the gal who likes bling, aprons, jewelry boxes, tank tops, mugs, hair clips, and so much more!

The bride can present the gifts at the wedding rehearsal, on the wedding day itself,  or plan a fabulous girls night out for all the bridesmaids (you can involve their spouses/partners too, if you like).

Remember, it’s not the gifts that matter most to your bridesmaids, but the appreciation you are showing them. Give them a card with a heartfelt letter to let them know how special they are!

Don’t Go Crazy

You only need to register at two or three stores you love. Choose a national department store or chain that has lots of household basics; add a local specialty store if you want to. For your guests’ sake, you may want to choose stores that are low-, medium-, and high-end, so that there are gifts in a variety of price ranges to choose from.

Do Register Ahead of Time

Try to complete your registry a few months before the wedding. This will give guests time to purchase gifts for the big day, but also for your engagement and a shower.

Don’t Put it in Your Invitation

Once you have registered, give the information to immediate family and the wedding party, and let them spread the word. If you are asked where you have registered, it is fine for you to tell, but it is not proper to include registry information in a wedding invitation. Registry information can be included on a wedding website, as long as the actual name of the store is not included on the same layer; organize your website so that guests must click down one level to find the details.

Do Register for Enough Gifts

Register for more gifts than you have guests, so there will be plenty of items to choose from. As mentioned above, register for gifts in a wide range of prices, or choose individual items rather than sets, as with pots and pans, for instance. It is fine to put a few expensive items on your registry, but balance them with equally lovely options that are more affordable.

Don’t Ask for Money

While it’s still considered tacky to ask for money directly, financial registries try to make this less awkward; for example, couples can now register online for stocks, honeymoon expenses, and even toward a down payment on a house.

Do write Thank You Notes Right Away

If your registry doesn’t automatically notify you when a gift has been purchased, review your registry every few weeks, and more frequently as the wedding approaches. Use your updated registry to help you keep up with writing thank-you notes.

Don’t Limit Yourself

Registry expert Mary Rose Gearon offers the following advice: “Don’t think just about your lifestyle as it is today. You’ll be entertaining more in the years to come, so create a wish list of items: a platter for your first Thanksgiving dinner or champagne glasses for a New Year’s toast. Keep those special occasions in mind; it’s a wonderful way to include loved ones in those important milestones.”

Don’t Forget to Register for the Basics

Funky bedspreads and whimsical wall hangings are well and good, but don’t forget the more useful – though duller – basics, such as measuring cups, can openers, garlic press, spatulas, kitchen timer, mixing bowls, knives, cookware, storage containers, etc.

That’s precisely what they are, gifts. Marriage is an important milestone, but your particular life choices don’t mean that anybody owes you anything beyond a warm “Congratulations.” And please spare everyone the lecture on how much a head your reception is costing. You’re the one who had to have the arugula and glazed duck; we’d have been perfectly happy with mac & cheese.

She also included a link to the “single most horrifying list of wedding etiquette in history.”

The list, plus many of the comments, got me thinking about weddings and gifts. Is there really a proper gift-giving etiquette? From the bride and groom’s perspective, do the guests owe you a gift? Do you think having them at your wedding is pleasure enough? And from a guest’s perspective, are you required to “pay” for your dinner? Is buying an off-registry gift really such a terrible offense against the bride and groom? Must you spend a certain amount of money on a gift?

Monica’s list, 88 Things You Need to Know Before Attending a Wedding states the following rules under “Gifts”:

1. If you receive an invitation you must send a gift! Even if you don’t attend.
2. If you can’t attend the wedding, you should send your gift before the wedding with a card expressing your regrets about not being able to attend.
3. The gift should be worth at least the # of people you’ve RSVP’ed x the cost of one person’s plate for the reception.
4. The exception to this is when a couple chooses *really expensive* plates.
5. *Really expensive* depends on your geographical area, not your preferences. Nice try though.
6. If you don’t know what a wedding plate costs, call the reception hall and investigate. This will at least get you in the ballpark.
7. The gift should be monetary or come from the bride and groom’s registry.
8. The wedding registry will not be listed in the invitation unless the couple is very tacky. You are supposed to call the maid-of-honor (MOH)/mother of the bride (MOB) to find out where the couple is registered.
9. Anyone in the family or wedding party is appropriate if the MOH/MOB cannot be reached.
10. Don’t get the couple something they didn’t ask for! It’s not clever and/or original, it’s annoying.
11. Money should come in a wedding card.
12. Gift cards are like throwing money away, so don’t give them.
13. If you insist on giving a gift card it should come only from a store where the couple is registered.
14. Don’t get the couple something they didn’t ask for! It’s not clever and/or original, it’s annoying.
15. Gifts should be removed from the registry to avoid the headaches of double gifts. Ask for help from a store assistant if you are confused.
16. Gifts should come wrapped in wedding paper with a wedding card.
17. Don’t get the couple something they didn’t ask for! It’s not clever and/or original, it’s annoying.
18. It’s nice to give the couple more than what covers your dinner plates, if you can and want to.

This list is making quite a strong statement about the “proper” way to do things. As such, it garnered over 50 responses, ranging from total agreement to shock and offense.  Some comments, from both sides of the fence:

Jennifer I have never heard of wedding gifts equaling the cost of your plate at the reception. There is really no way for a guest to know what the couple is spending on thier wedding nor should they try to find out… In addition, you do not invite people in order to get a gift, their presence is all that is required.

Bethany I think three times is necessary for the original gift comment. Many of our guests stuck to the registry, some deviated in a pretty acceptable manner, but we received an atrocious candle holder. It was not cute, it was not useful, and their gift was promptly donated. It’s backfired thoughtfulness… If you want to take the time to be a thoughtful guest, these tips are a good place to start.

Ashly I think some of the comments also rely on variables…  I actually showed this list to two of the brides whose weddings I’m attending this year, and they both were a bit appalled at the tone of the article, in addition to some of the comments. For them, while presents are nice, they aren’t going to begrudge a financially straddled friend who can’t afford a gift; because they believe their weddings are about celebrating the union with the people in their life they love, not expecting gifts over an X value…

Mardi Gifts are part of getting married, and there is an etiquette to them, just like everything else surrounding a wedding… Kudos to you for putting together a comprehensive set of rules and guidelines for guests! Thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish I could share this with some of my guests who chose to ignore the “rules.” (There are people who CAME to the wedding who never sent a gift – not to mention those who DIDN’T come to the wedding and didn’t send a gift.)

Harper I am getting married in 12 days. I found the gift giving section offensive as well, although I see that it wasn’t intended to be… having friends and family celebrate their union is what matters. In place of a gift a card of congratulations would be a nice alternative, and only a few bucks. It is also a nice way for the couple to look back on their day and remember everyone who was there if they forgot to sign the guest book… In weddings that I was involved in, my gift was doing everything from making favors to stuffing envelopes along with watching the couples dogs while they vacationed. Be creative people, it doesn’t have to be a material gift!!

Nikki I did NOT find the tone of this article to be inappropriate. It is well written and everything on there is accurate. I think people are a little confused. This is ettiquette for the guests not the bride and groom. The bride and groom should never expect gifts. That is not what the day is about. But a guest should never attend without a gift unless financial situations warrant this (in that case, I’m sure the bride and groom are aware anyways). As for the price of the gift, I have ALWAYS been taught that it should be at least the cost of your plate. Maybe this is one of those things that changes from region to region.

Jay My fiancee and I found your gift-giving section so offensive that it has inspired us to insert explicit directions within our invitation that we do not expect or want gifts; the gift is the person’s presence at the wedding. We are inviting 150 people, and feel this is the right thing to do. We already have plenty, and getting gifts would just be greedy.

Personally, I think that to expect a gift from each person equalling or surpassing the price a meal is silly and a bit immature.  At my own wedding 4 years ago, I was thrilled to have the chance to celebrate the occasion with all my friends and family. I had no expectations regarding gifts. The fact that I DID receive gifts was fantastic and I was grateful for each one, regardless of whether or not it was on my registry, or whether it was something I really wanted or needed. (You can always regift something, or give it away to a charity or to someone else who will appreciate it.) And I certainly wasn’t calculating how much the gift cost, or taking offence if it wasn’t on my registry (or not wrapped properly, etc)! In my opinion, every gift is a bonus. I invited people to my wedding because I really wanted them to be there!

Having said that, as a guest, it is proper to find out what’s expected of you, and in general giving a gift is the proper thing to do. It seems that in some circles, there is a very strong gift-giving ettiquete, as stated in 88 Things You Need to Know Before Attending a Wedding. A guest should do their best to be senstive and not offend the bride and groom.

I am curious to know what YOU think about wedding gift etiquette!

photo from janeandphilipswedding

I was reading All About RegistriesQ&A at the Washington Post, moderated by Summer Krecke, deputy editor at WeddingChannel.com. Although there are some things that she claims to be standard registry etiquette, quite a few brides and guests feel differently. Here are some common questions and answers, adapted from the All About Registries Q&A.

Q. Why do I need to create a gift registry?

A. Registries help guide guests. Gift giving shouldn’t be stressful for guests who don’t know exactly what a couple wants. Gift giving is supposed to be a point of pleasure and joy. The guest wants to give something they know the couple will love!

Q. We’re just not a thing-oriented couple. For our own wedding, we’d really like to avoid the whole gift thing altogether How can we get that word out without being tacky or rude?

A. Alternative registries like Amazon.com or Cloud 9 Living (where you register for activities) are totally acceptable. Other ideas are honeymoon or activity registry, which includes things you’d love to experience like a hot air balloon ride, horseback riding, or spa treatment. Another popular trend is creating a charity registry ( you can do this at WeddingChannel.com). But not having a registry is really not a good idea, because it leaves people without a clue as to what you want.

Q. How does the charity registry work? It sounds like a fabulous idea!

A. You can go to WeddingChannel.comand set up a charity registry. You will find an entire list of popular charities to choose from. You can either request a direct donation or create a regular registry and every time a guest purchases a gift through WeddingChannel.com, a percentage is sent to the charity in your honor.

Q. I think that asking for money — in any way — be it honeymoon fund, house fund, etc. — is just tacky with a capital T.

A. Correct: asking for money is a big NO-NO. If you would prefer money, it’s OK to share that information privately with people like your bridesmaids so they can pass the message along. You should still create a registry for those guests that aren’t comfortable giving money and prefer to give you an actual present.

Q. Two of my very close friends are getting hitched, and their registry is full of blah things like glassware and dust busters. I want to get them something more personal, but is it uncouth to ignore the registry if they’ve taken the time to put it together?

A. If you are absolutely certain your personal gift with thrill the new couple, go right ahead! But if you are uncertain,stick to something on the registry and add a personal touch. If they’re registered for a beautiful frame, buy it and add a great photo. A wine glass set? Get them a case of their favorite wine to go along with it!

Q. Do I really need to make purchases for the engagement, the bridal shower and the wedding? I’ve been invited to a series of parties for a number of friends, and every invite I receive to these events contain their registry information! I wish I could buy you that $400 vacuum, but I can’t even buy one for myself.

A. Gifts are not necessary for an engagement party. A card or bottle of wine would be great! If you are invited to a wedding you should give a gift, but give what you can. The most important thing when creating a gift registry (and I do think couples should have them as an assist to their guests) is to have gifts ranging from $5 to whatever you think is appropriate. Make sure you have inexpensive options.

Q. I’m traveling to be the best man in my friend’s wedding. I am spending lots of time and money to travel to the party. What is an appropriate gift for my friend… or is my presence presents enough?

A. Being in a wedding can involve lots of extra expenses. Perhaps you could pool with a bigger group to purchase something really nice for the bride and groom. You might want to discuss it with other members of the bridal party and see what you can come up with.

Q. Is it acceptable to include registry info in a wedding invitation?

A. Registry info should not be included in your invitation and instead should be supplied on your wedding website or through someone in your bridal party. It is completely unacceptable to include registry information with an invitation to any event other than a shower!

Q. As a future bride, I feel that  gifts are completely OPTIONAL, whether or not you attend the wedding. Don’t you think most friends just want to celebrate with you? I would rather have my friend’s presence than their presents!

A. This is not a black and white issue — a guest should measure her involvement and expenses against her relationship with the couple.