Review past spending: Together, review each other’s credit reports and monthly income statements.

Look toward the future: Decide whether you are going to mingle your bank accounts or keep them separate. Choose medical benefit policies. Write out wills. Assign healthcare proxies and powers of attorney. Look into buying life insurance policies to protect each other should anything happen to either person (this becomes more urgent when you have children).

Assign roles: Who will handle the day-to-day financial decisions like paying bills, budgeting and saving? Things you may want to set money aside for include kids’ college education, buying a home, and retirement.  Who’s in charge of monitoring where the money is going?

Family matters: Many experts advocate discussing the financial aspects of having and raising children before you start a family. My friends and I, on the other hand, agree that if we had done this, we’d never have babies! My husband and I have three beautiful children… but they’re going out to earn their keep as soon as they learn how to read.

Write it down: Putting your detailed financial strategy down on paper will help you to actually implement it.  You may want to employ the help of a financial professional who can make sure you’re covering all your bases and being realistic.

feature image: 5min.com: How to talk money with your spouse

feature image credit

“But like everything else, if you want to pull it off and not drive yourself nuts, there are rules,” says The Broke Ass Bride.  Here she lays down the laws of iPod-ing your wedding music:

1. Check with your venue about their sound system, what kind of equipment they have to attach speakers to, and whether you can get the speakers from them, or if you have to rent them.

2. Test the speaker system, leaving plenty of time to make changes if you have to (not at the rehearsal dinner).

3. Figure out the logistics, including moving the system from the ceremony to the cocktail hour to the reception. Bring extension cords if necessary.

4. Pick someone to monitor the music, because YOU will be a little too busy during the the wedding to deal with it. Give them a list of all the songs in your playlist(s), and review it to make sure they’re all on there.

5. Make a separate playlist for each segment of your wedding – ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, first dance, cake cutting, bouquet throw, open dance floor, etc. Put them all in order.

6. The ceremony: Decide who is going to walk down and whether they will walk in to the same music. Use cross-fading so you’re not being jolted from one song to another.

7. Cocktail hour:  You  need about 18-20 songs, depending on the length, to fill an hour. It’s a good idea to throw a few extra songs, just in case you’re not feeling whatever’s playing at the time.

8. Dinner: Create a good mix of fast, medium, and slow songs. You don’t want music that will put your guests to sleep, but you want them to enjoy their dinner in peace, too. Decide if you want to play straight through or shuffle your playlist. (Broke Ass Bride notes that her ipod and itunes playlists tend to shuffle in the same order. Anyone else notice that?)

9. Reception events: In case the timing is off, it’s good to keep each in a different playlist, instead of throwing them all together.

10. Open dance floor: Its party time! You want to get everyone on the dance floor, so think about your crowd and what will get them out of their seats. Hip hop? Country? Sinatra and the Rat Pack? Show tunes? Throw in a little somethin’ for everyone!

And here’s link to $3 in MP3s on Amazon.com that we’ll pass along from The Broke Ass Bride. They download directly into itunes for you. Now check out the rest of her blog for more bold and original approaches to wedding planning and healthy budgeting.

Talk about money: Sit down with your fiance and go through your bank statements, pay stubs, bills, and other financial records. Discuss how much each of you can afford to put toward the wedding.

Write it down: You might think this goes without saying, but some brides just never get around to doing it. Put everything down on paper.  If you find that one area (wedding dress, let’s say) turns out to be more than you planned on, you have two choices: find something cheaper, or readjust your spending in other areas (such as toning down the flower arrangements or limiting the alcohol.)

Save wherever you can: Here are a few suggestions: Skip the popcorn at the theater, and spend time watching a movie at home and cuddling with your fiance. Cook dinner together instead of going out to your favorite restaurant. Make a commitment to put 10 percent of every paycheck into your wedding fund. A few small changes here and there can add up!

Talk to your parents: Although most couples are now paying for more of the wedding costs that they did in the past, often parents are more than happy to contribute. Find out how much they can afford to invest in your big day.

Prioritize: Once you know how much money is at your disposal, rank the importance of each wedding expense. The more imporant things get a larger chunk of the pie.

Get a wedding planner: Although a consultant might charge as much as 10 percent of your wedding budget, he or she could keep you from going over budget and into debt.  Let your wedding planner know how much you can spend, what your priorities are, and give her a realistic picture of the wedding you hope to have.

Don’t sweat the small stuff: Weddings are expensive, and you may not have the fairy tale affair you once dreamed of.  That’s OK. Trends and styles come and go, but you’ll always have the photos, dried flowers, and memories– and those are priceless.

feature image from wedding planning basics

Don’t Go Crazy

You only need to register at two or three stores you love. Choose a national department store or chain that has lots of household basics; add a local specialty store if you want to. For your guests’ sake, you may want to choose stores that are low-, medium-, and high-end, so that there are gifts in a variety of price ranges to choose from.

Do Register Ahead of Time

Try to complete your registry a few months before the wedding. This will give guests time to purchase gifts for the big day, but also for your engagement and a shower.

Don’t Put it in Your Invitation

Once you have registered, give the information to immediate family and the wedding party, and let them spread the word. If you are asked where you have registered, it is fine for you to tell, but it is not proper to include registry information in a wedding invitation. Registry information can be included on a wedding website, as long as the actual name of the store is not included on the same layer; organize your website so that guests must click down one level to find the details.

Do Register for Enough Gifts

Register for more gifts than you have guests, so there will be plenty of items to choose from. As mentioned above, register for gifts in a wide range of prices, or choose individual items rather than sets, as with pots and pans, for instance. It is fine to put a few expensive items on your registry, but balance them with equally lovely options that are more affordable.

Don’t Ask for Money

While it’s still considered tacky to ask for money directly, financial registries try to make this less awkward; for example, couples can now register online for stocks, honeymoon expenses, and even toward a down payment on a house.

Do write Thank You Notes Right Away

If your registry doesn’t automatically notify you when a gift has been purchased, review your registry every few weeks, and more frequently as the wedding approaches. Use your updated registry to help you keep up with writing thank-you notes.

Don’t Limit Yourself

Registry expert Mary Rose Gearon offers the following advice: “Don’t think just about your lifestyle as it is today. You’ll be entertaining more in the years to come, so create a wish list of items: a platter for your first Thanksgiving dinner or champagne glasses for a New Year’s toast. Keep those special occasions in mind; it’s a wonderful way to include loved ones in those important milestones.”

Don’t Forget to Register for the Basics

Funky bedspreads and whimsical wall hangings are well and good, but don’t forget the more useful – though duller – basics, such as measuring cups, can openers, garlic press, spatulas, kitchen timer, mixing bowls, knives, cookware, storage containers, etc.

I came across a blog post called “Power of Purchases” at 59 Seconds that got me thinking about creating a wedding people will always remember. Here’s what he has to say:

Psychologists Leaf Van Boven and Thomas Gilovich examined whether increased happiness is associated more with spending your money on goods (that latest dress or impressive new smartphone) or an experience (going out for a meal, buying a ticket for a concert, or booking a vacation). The results clearly indicated that buying experiences made people feel better than buying products. Why? Goods tend to lose their appeal by becoming worn-out and out of date. In contrast, our memory of experiences easily becomes distorted over time (you edit out the terrible trip on the airplane and just remember those blissful moments relaxing on the beach), and also promote one of the most effective happiness-inducing behaviors – spending time with others.

59 Seconds tip: Buy experiences not goods. Go to a concert, movie, unusual place or strange restaurant: Anything that provides an opportunity to do things with others or tell people about it afterwards.

The way I’m applying this to wedding planning is as follows: You have a budget and you want to make every penny count.  Instead of spending it exclusively on THINGS (not that I’m knocking dresses and flowers and good wine) you can spend it on creating an EXPERIENCE for yourselves and your guests. It doesn’t need to be super expensive or exotic, like a cruise or skydiving or a ceremony in a medieval castle… just something creative that your guests will enjoy.

For example… which wedding memory sounds more fun:

“That was the best roast chicken I ever tasted!” OR “Remember when we ate Indian food with our hands at Ally’s wedding?”

“Rick’s wedding DJ was great, I sure danced up a storm.” OR “I never laughed so hard watching Great-Aunt Lea Salsa dancing! It was the first time I’d ever Salsa danced too, actually.”

“Barbara was such a lovely bride. She really glowed.” OR “A masquerade wedding… what a brilliant idea! The bride made a breathtaking masked lady.”

OK. You get the idea. Buy experiences, not goods. I like it! Please leave a comment below if you’ve got any great wedding memories that illustrate this concept!

skydiving photo from scribbler

Can you tell the Difference?

Can you tell the difference between the affordable and deluxe bouquets? Head on over to Brides.com to test yourself!  They’ll also give you some good tips on what affordable flowers you can use to replace similar, but more expensive, blooms.

For example, mass-produced spray roses ($.99/stem) instead of big garden roses ($4-$8/stem), dendrobium orchids instead of cymbidiums, anemones and tulips instead of fancy orchids and clematis. And to further cut costs, use more greenery to fill out the bouquet.

]]> http://www.bride.net/2010/bridal-bouquets-the-look-you-love-for-less/feed/ 0 http://www.bride.net/2010/making-love-last-advice-from-grandma/ http://www.bride.net/2010/making-love-last-advice-from-grandma/#comments Wed, 10 Feb 2010 08:47:51 +0000 dena http://www.bride.net/?p=1344 We tend to get so caught up in the merchandising of Valentine’s Day that we forget what the holiday is really about: Love. When Erin Bried was interviewing grandmothers for her book, How to Sew a Button (and Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew), she asked each one for their secret to making love last, decade after decade.

Watch this video to hear the advice of these wise women, each happily married for over 50 years!

And if you’re looking for more every-day wisdom, you should check out her book, How to Sew a Button. Practical and empowering, this book is a collection of the treasured wisdom from nanas, bubbies, and grandmas from all across the country—as well as modern-day experts. You will access more than one hundred step-by-step essential tips for cooking, cleaning, and entertaining.

Each of these grandmas survived The Great Depression, and their stories on making due, helping others, finding fun, and even falling in love are the basis for How to Sew a Button.  They can teach you how to make life much simpler, sweeter, and richer—and a lot more fun, too! And, as your grandmother might say, if you want to save money, it pays to learn how to do things yourself!

Save on Alcohol

• Instead of providing a full bar, serve a signature drink, such as punch or a favorite cocktail, instead of providing a full bar.  Another option is to limit alcoholic beverages to wine and beer, choices that will satisfy most of your guests.

• Rather than pouring Champagne all night long, serve just a single glass to each guest at the appropriate time to toast the bride and groom.

• Technically, Champagne is sparkling wine that’s from the Champagne region of France. But you can find plenty of substitutions that don’t come with the high price tag.  For example, Cava, the Spanish take on Champagne, or Prosecco, from Italy, which is smoother, sweeter, and a better fit for a small budget. Even French sparkling wine is cheaper; it’s made the same way but isn’t actually from Champagne.

• Buy your own wine wholesale. You may pay your caterer a corkage fee to pour it, but wine purchased through him can cost twice as much.

• Most merchants offer a 10 percent discount for buying wine by the case, and they’ll often increase that if you purchase several cases at once.

Save on your Wedding Cake

• Hire an outside baker to provide the wedding cake, if your caterer’s contract permits. You may have to pay a cake-cutting charge, but you will likely pay less overall.

• Want a tall cake but don’t want to pay full price? Have your baker make just enough to serve each guest one slice.  Additional tiers can be made of Styrofoam and iced to match the others.  No one will know!

• Alternatively, you can order two cakes for the reception: a small fancy one to be used for display, and a large sheet cake, which does not need to be elaborately decorated.   The bigger cake gets sliced and dished up in the kitchen.

• Or, order a very plain (and moderately priced) cake, and make the focal point the cake topper. Vintage toppers and classic symbols can make a cake memorable.

• You don’t need a whole separate dessert course. Just present the wedding cake as dessert, with coffee and tea, to end the meal.

Save on Ingredients

• Have your caterer use local fruits and vegetables that are in season. They’re tastier, fresher, and more economical!

• Use expensive ingredients, such as lobster, in hors d’oeuvres rather than in a main course.

• How you serve dinner affects the price. Regular plate service and French service, in which guests are served by waiters from a platter at the table, are the most expensive. Family style, where diners help themselves from serving dishes brought to the table, is more economical.

Save on Flowers

• Many popular bridal flowers are available year-round, but some traditional ones — peonies and lilies of the valley, for example — can be expensive out of season. Consult with your florist about what flowers are in season and easy to obtain.

• Mix berries, pine cones (for winter), and other economical non-floral embellishments  to fill out bouquets and displays.

• You don’t need to deck every pew with flowers. Get the most bloom for your buck by asking your florist to design two lush altarpieces, which will direct everyone’s eyes exactly where you want them to be: on you and your groom.

• Make floral arrangements do double duty: If designed properly, your ceremony flowers can serve as centerpieces at the reception, or decorate the guest-book, seating-card, and favor tables. Place bridesmaids’ bouquets on the cake table.

Saving on Centerpieces

• Floating flowers: Instead of decorating tables with large arrangements, float a few flowers in shallow bowls or glass cylinders filled halfway with water.

• Economical flowers: Floral standbys like daisies and carnations are available year-round, are quite affordable, and when arranged en masse make delightful centerpieces and bouquets.

• Flowering bulbs: Flowers like amaryllis, narcissus, and hyacinth often cost less than regular flowers and are dramatic rising from a layer of stones set in clear containers.

• Fruits: Bowls or compotes filled with seasonal fruits from a farmer’s market can take the place of expensive floral presentations.

• Candles: A single pillar candle in a hurricane lantern is a wonderful centerpiece, as is a casual display of votive candles in the middle of a table.

• Vases: You’ll save money if your florist doesn’t have to supply vases for your centerpieces. if you have a collection of containers, such as jelly jars or milk jugs. Filled with flowers, just about any type of vessel will make pretty displays.

Save on Favors

• Use favors as place cards to save a bit on stationery costs. For seating cards, write guests’ names and table numbers on strips of paper, affix them to the favors, and set in order on a table near the entrance. For place cards, put favors with names attached at guests’ places.

• Handmade favors (especially edible ones like cookies or candies) and decorations are appealing and usually cost less than store-bought.

Save on the Season

• A winter date may come with lower fees, rather than scheduling in the summer, when rates are at their highest.

• Weddings scheduled during holidays or vacation times are more popular and therefor more expensive. To cut costs, plan your wedding during an uneventful season.

• Fridays and Sundays are generally less expensive than Saturdays for renting a venue.

• For a destination wedding, book a date that is not as popular for travel in the region.

Downsize

• Wedding Party: Try to keep the number of attendants as small as possible.  The larger the bridal party, the more you’ll spend on gifts and flowers.

• Transportation:  Use a personal car rather than a limousine to get to and from the reception.

• Wedding Highlights:  Hire a videographer to work just from the ceremony through the first dance rather than for the entire wedding.

• Photographer: There are many talented photographers who haven’t made a name for themselves yet, and their lack of fame can save you a fortune. If you fall hard for a photographer who’s in high demand, ask if she’ll refer you to a lower-priced colleague (just make sure you like his work before you commit).

• Location: If you are considering two locations, small towns are more economical than big cities! One bride moved her wedding from Brooklyn, New York to a beach town in Michigan, and watched catering quotes drop from $140 per head to $40 — a savings of $15,000!

• Guest List: To minimize the guest list, refrain from inviting children and coworkers. Include your friends’ significant others but not casual dates.

• Extras: A venue that comes with extras built in, like a wedding coordinator or an on-site ceremony location, means significant savings.

• Negotiate: Before signing a contract with your caterer, photographer, or florist, try to negotiate a lower yet still reasonable price.

• Celebrate in Public: The nicest wedding sites — parks, museums, public gardens — may be the most affordable.

• Music: For your reception, remember that a deejay can be less costly than a live band.  To avoid hiring two bands and paying two separate fees, ask if just a few pieces of the band can play during the ceremony and cocktail hour, as well as at the reception.

Save on Your Wedding Dress

• Look for a dress at sample sales, trunk shows, and outlets; you can sign up for some designers’ sample-sale listings online. Most wedding-dress designers allow you to sign up for news and updates.  Even if you dislike this type of spam, getting on their e-mail lists will keep you informed on time-sensitive info such as sample sales and trunk shows.

• Consider wearing your mother’s gown. The costs of cleaning and alterations will likely be far less than the cost of buying a new wedding dress.

Use your Friends

• Borrow accessories from family and friends instead of buying them.

• Ask talented friends or relatives to help with your wedding. An artistic friend, for instance, might design your stationery, or a baking enthusiast could make cupcakes or cookie favors.

Hope these tips are helpful! For the complete list, visit Martha Stewart Weddings: 65 Ways to Trim Your Budget.

Well Offbeat Bride has a great commentary on how to avoid being tacky when planning your wedding. Basically, um, don’t even try.  Because someone, somewhere, is bound to think something about your wedding is tacky:

People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There’s muttering over etiquette: “I want to do things this way … but is that tacky?” brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night.

I’m here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY.

Because you see, “tacky” is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. (Read the rest here!)

You’ve got to focus on pleasing yourself. As Offbeat Bride defines it, “tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won’t approve of your wedding.”

Nevertheless, I’m going to go ahead and state that some things are pretty much universally agreed on as being tacky. That’s why there are websites out there like Tacky Weddings, where you can stare, horrified, at brides in thongs, bridesmaids in neon pink bras, wedding logo overload (“If you’re looking for wedding logos stamped all over everything like Chinese water torture thumped into your head over and over, you’ve come to the right place.”), sex on the beach cake toppers, and the ultimate slutty bridal gown.

Despite all this, Tacky Weddings does share the viewpoint that  “Your wedding is your day, do what you want, do what makes you happy and to hell with what anyone else thinks.   Be proud of your day, shout it from the mountaintops!!  What one person thinks is tacky another person may see as fun and innovative.   My opinion is no better (and no worse) than anyone else’s. It’s not the end all be all, me liking or not liking a perfect stranger’s wedding does not change a thing. The moral of this story?  Who cares what I think about your wedding Yanna, I am nobody.  Rock what you’re gonna rock, and flip everyone the bird.” (Who is Yanna? Check it out!)

But I’m going to go ahead and give you a few pointers on avoiding tacky, in light of what is generally considered to be tasteful and appropriate for a wedding. This is only my opinion, so feel free to add something in the comment section!

Wearing Slutty outfits: Even if it’s part of a theme–especially if it’s part of your theme… (Join us at our Stripper Extravaganza!) The bride and bridal party can be beautiful and sexy while still leaving something to the imagination. Skin-tight spandex, overflowing bosoms, bare midriffs… well, unless you plan to wed in a nightclub, it’s just not appropriate wedding attire.

Asking for Money. You gotta know your audience, but generally making people pay for their wedding meal or having a dollar dance (where guests are supposed to line up to dance with the bride and stuff money into her apron) should be avoided (unless, of course, this is some kind of family tradition?).

Playing Crude Music: Dedicating a song to the bride is sweet… but not when it’s “Crazy B—”.  Giving Grandma a heart attack over desert is not the best way to end off your big day. Getting blasted with “It’s Getting Hot in Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes” is a bit shocking too, especially when you’re in middle of a conversation with the Rebbetzin (that happened to me at a wedding.)

Being Pissed… and Showing it:  As much as you planned and prepared, something is bound to be less than perfect. You gotta be prepared to roll with the punches, not like one bride who was “cursing and complaining as she stomped around” lighting tea lights that the staff forgot to turn on.  I bet no one thought she looked particularly attractive. Remember, handsome is as handsome does.

1. Pay bills promptly. When a bill arrives for payment, you can do one of two things with it. You can pay it promptly or set it aside to be paid later. (yes, there’s a third option, not paying it at all—but let’s not go there.) The habit of pushing off bill-paying to the last minute is a habit that will lead to trouble, namely late charges, damaged credit and aggravation. The best way to function is by making your payments within twenty-four hours. The results are worthwhile: your business contacts will be more attentive, your phone will ring less insistently, and your days will become less frantic.

2. Don’t spend what you don’t have. Marketing trends in the USA are always evolving in sophistication. Their goal is to foist off tons of commercial junk on a gullible public. One of their favorite techniques is convincing a buyer that while he might not be able to afford it now, the future will be brighter and payments will be easier later… so swipe that card and don’t think about tomorrow. This disavowal of the future sells a lot of stuff, but gets many couples into serious trouble. It’s important you realize today’s expense may not be more easily paid tomorrow. If you don’t have it, don’t spend it.

3. Avoid paying interest. The root of many couples’ financial woes is the payment of interest. Whether the source of trouble is the purchase of furniture, a vacation, an auto loan, or the infamous credit card, the drain on family income never seems to end. Mr. Jacobs believes that, with the exception of a mortgage on sensibly-priced real estate, interest should never be paid. As was stated in the prior paragraph, don’t spend what you don’t possess.

4. Maintain a reserve. A slogan expressed frequently during the Great Depression was: When poverty walks through the door, love flies out the window. One way to forestall this problem is to set aside assets when times are good, so you’ll have something to fall back on when leans times come. Living hand-to-mouth is not the best way to sustain a successful marital relationship.

5. Make spending decisions together. Never forget that marriage is a partnership. Major financial decisions must be a joint effort. Although one of the partners may possess better money sense than the other, they both share the final outcome, and each deserves a say. If you can find a way to truly cooperate on important financial matters, you’ll find that the decisions are usually mutually satisfying. The alternative leads to resentment, certainly not a way to live life.

Read the whole article here at Hitched.