I was reading All About RegistriesQ&A at the Washington Post, moderated by Summer Krecke, deputy editor at WeddingChannel.com. Although there are some things that she claims to be standard registry etiquette, quite a few brides and guests feel differently. Here are some common questions and answers, adapted from the All About Registries Q&A.

Q. Why do I need to create a gift registry?

A. Registries help guide guests. Gift giving shouldn’t be stressful for guests who don’t know exactly what a couple wants. Gift giving is supposed to be a point of pleasure and joy. The guest wants to give something they know the couple will love!

Q. We’re just not a thing-oriented couple. For our own wedding, we’d really like to avoid the whole gift thing altogether How can we get that word out without being tacky or rude?

A. Alternative registries like Amazon.com or Cloud 9 Living (where you register for activities) are totally acceptable. Other ideas are honeymoon or activity registry, which includes things you’d love to experience like a hot air balloon ride, horseback riding, or spa treatment. Another popular trend is creating a charity registry ( you can do this at WeddingChannel.com). But not having a registry is really not a good idea, because it leaves people without a clue as to what you want.

Q. How does the charity registry work? It sounds like a fabulous idea!

A. You can go to WeddingChannel.comand set up a charity registry. You will find an entire list of popular charities to choose from. You can either request a direct donation or create a regular registry and every time a guest purchases a gift through WeddingChannel.com, a percentage is sent to the charity in your honor.

Q. I think that asking for money — in any way — be it honeymoon fund, house fund, etc. — is just tacky with a capital T.

A. Correct: asking for money is a big NO-NO. If you would prefer money, it’s OK to share that information privately with people like your bridesmaids so they can pass the message along. You should still create a registry for those guests that aren’t comfortable giving money and prefer to give you an actual present.

Q. Two of my very close friends are getting hitched, and their registry is full of blah things like glassware and dust busters. I want to get them something more personal, but is it uncouth to ignore the registry if they’ve taken the time to put it together?

A. If you are absolutely certain your personal gift with thrill the new couple, go right ahead! But if you are uncertain,stick to something on the registry and add a personal touch. If they’re registered for a beautiful frame, buy it and add a great photo. A wine glass set? Get them a case of their favorite wine to go along with it!

Q. Do I really need to make purchases for the engagement, the bridal shower and the wedding? I’ve been invited to a series of parties for a number of friends, and every invite I receive to these events contain their registry information! I wish I could buy you that $400 vacuum, but I can’t even buy one for myself.

A. Gifts are not necessary for an engagement party. A card or bottle of wine would be great! If you are invited to a wedding you should give a gift, but give what you can. The most important thing when creating a gift registry (and I do think couples should have them as an assist to their guests) is to have gifts ranging from $5 to whatever you think is appropriate. Make sure you have inexpensive options.

Q. I’m traveling to be the best man in my friend’s wedding. I am spending lots of time and money to travel to the party. What is an appropriate gift for my friend… or is my presence presents enough?

A. Being in a wedding can involve lots of extra expenses. Perhaps you could pool with a bigger group to purchase something really nice for the bride and groom. You might want to discuss it with other members of the bridal party and see what you can come up with.

Q. Is it acceptable to include registry info in a wedding invitation?

A. Registry info should not be included in your invitation and instead should be supplied on your wedding website or through someone in your bridal party. It is completely unacceptable to include registry information with an invitation to any event other than a shower!

Q. As a future bride, I feel that  gifts are completely OPTIONAL, whether or not you attend the wedding. Don’t you think most friends just want to celebrate with you? I would rather have my friend’s presence than their presents!

A. This is not a black and white issue — a guest should measure her involvement and expenses against her relationship with the couple.

Don’t let this happen to you!  From the Wedding Examiner, an LA-based creator and conductor of hundreds of civil and event weddings a year, comes Five Ways to Screw Up your Wedding, in 5 Parts. Read and be warned!

Part 1: Don’t get divorced first.

I guess this is a problem that the Examiner experiences often, so I’ll include it even though it seems silly. Apparently some people do not know that there is a difference between being GRANTED a divorce, and a divorce that’s FINAL. People who are ignorant of this do silly things like fly to Vegas and marry someone else, before they are legally divorced, thus technically making them BIGAMISTS. Don’t do that. The Examiner would caution you not to even begin planning your next wedding until you have your FINALIZED divorce papers in hand.

Part 2: Go into debt.

The cost of the “average American wedding” keeps spiralling upward, and this year they’ll have us believe it’s nearing $29,000. The Examiner is skeptical of these statistics, pointing out that “Just one $4 million celebrity wedding can lift hundreds of $25 civil county weddings into “average” territory.” Whatever the real average is, the Marital Industrial Complex will try to push that figure up, telling you that you DESERVE a wedding with all the trappings of royalty… it all look so pretty, I just have to have it!  But if you can’t pay for your party without running up your credit cards or borrowing from friends or taking out an unsecured wedding loan, just say NO.

“Going into debt for Your Special Day will not only ruin your wedding, it’s likely to wreck a good long chunk of your life and credit rating and relationship.  Mortgaging your future is no way to start a marriage… And who wants to be average, anyway?”

Part 3: Have a wedding you’ll hate.

Despite what Granny or Maid of Honor tells you, there’s no such thing as “HAVE TO” when it comes to planning your wedding. If you give in to guilt and peer pressure, you are likely to end up hating your wedding and resenting the people who talked you into it. So there are two other ways to go about the planning:

1. Be tough and do it your way, no matter what everyone else says (as long as YOU are paying for it!)

2. Compromise and incorporate some of the ideas other people suggest. If you think creatively, you may come up with ideas that make EVERYONE (or at least most people) happy!

Part 4: Develop unrealistic expectations.

You can hope and pray that it won’t rain on your wedding day, that the marriage license bureau will be open whenever it’s convenient for you, that your flower girl doesn’t throw a tantrum that will hold up the entire wedding processional, and smoldering family feuds will be forgotten in the joy of your wedding day. But in the unlikely event that things don’t turn out quite as you planned, try this four-point strategy:

1.  Meet unexpected obstacles with grace, creativity, and a sense of humor. It will all make a great story, someday.  Laugh about it, even if you’re not feeling like it’s so funny.  The humor in the situation will catch up to you later (one hopes.)

2.  Deploy the back-up plan. You do have a back-up plan, don’t you?

3.  Take a breath and let it go. Life will go on.  People make mistakes.  You can’t control the weather.  You’re not the only one that matters today and it’s not worth starting a war over. You Will Survive.

4.   Remember why you’re here. Bear in mind your devotion to one another and the larger purpose of this day; if you contemplate that for a moment, nothing else should really matter.

Part 5: Starve, bore and ignore your guests!

Don’t bore your guests: A common grouse about wedding receptions is that they are “frequently too long in duration and too short on substance.”  For  ideas on making your wedding fun, “dig into your hobbies, work, ethnic or national traditions (back in the day at Austrian receptions, the couple had to saw a log in half with a two-person lumberjack saw.  Bet you haven’t seen that lately!)  Your guests will be grateful you made the effort, and they’ll savor the uniqueness for years to come.”

Don’t starve them either: Unless you’re serving a ten-course meal, there’s no need to stretch out  the eating part of things for four hours. After your guests have made the effort to dress up, drive out, and sit through the ceremony, asking them wait even longer before you feed them so you can take photos or change clothes is inconsiderate, especially when there are kids involved.

Don’t ignore, or worse, neglect your guests! If you choose to invite people to your wedding instead of eloping, your first priority is to make sure everyone feels welcome, comfortable, and safe. A gracious bride and groom know that a wedding day is meant to honor the assembled community as well as the newlyweds. Make sure everyone can understand your wedding program and follow what’s going on. Don’t leave guests hanging around not knowing what will happen next.  Scrutinize your venue for hazards such as uneven floors, uncomfortable chairs, poor heating or ventilation. And of course, be hospitable and express your gratitude for their presence not only at your wedding, but in your lives.

Review the Guest List  Discuss the invite list with your fiance and your families a week prior to the wedding to avoid any uncomforatable situations, and to find out about key people to meet and any taboo topics (like Aunt Pat’s rebellious son). It will make it easier when you’re talking to someone you may not know intimately.

Don’t Be Late If you’re taking photos before the ceremony, give the photographer a wedding day schedule so he stays within a specific time frame — you won’t want to keep guests waiting, wondering if the bride is going to show up. If you’re taking photos after the service, still keep an eye on the clock. Otherwise, picture time may encroach on cocktail hour, delaying the party.

Make Eye Contact It sounds obvious, but always make eye contact when talking with your guests. You’re the ones who will set the wedding’s tone. If you appear to be nervous, that feeling will reflect on your guests, or if you’re constantly looking away, you may come across as bored or distracted.

Designate Party People Ask one of your friends to be a guest host at your wedding. Make sure he or she is charming, kind, and a good conversationalist. Responsibilities include welcoming guests and directing them to the gift table, bar, and dance floor.

Talk to Every Guest If you chose not to have a receiving line, make sure you visit each table. Guests have come to celebrate your wedding (often spending time and money to get there) and expect the opportunity to talk to you for at least a moment or two. Be sure to thank them for coming — often the perfect time to do this is while your guests are eating dinner.

Make Careful Seat Assignments The reception seating chart is critical. We all know there is an underlying competition for the best table at the wedding (”We’re the most fun, look at us!”), but do your part to make sure that you distribute good vibes evenly. When placing your guests, think about who would enjoy conversing together, even if they don’t (yet) know each other. Connections to tablemates are great ways to ensure that your guests enjoy themselves and have people to converse with throughout the entire reception.

Be Ready For Gifts Most guests know they shouldn’t bring their presents to the wedding, in case they go missing and so that nobody has to lug them home. But if you see that someone has brought a gift, be sure to thank them in person, but send a note too. (You won’t be expected to notice everyone who’s bearing a gift.)

Explain Customs If your wedding incorporates customs that your guests may be unfamiliar with, be sure to explain. Let your guests know about these special traditions by including a card with the invitation or in the program. This will give them a better idea of what to expect.

Keep Guests Satisfied Hot day? Serve guests water to prevent fainters (and complainers). Also, make sure there is enough food at the cocktail hour — and that the servers are hitting all corners of the room and not just the kitchen-stalkers.

Get Your Parents Involved The parents of the bride and groom are also a part of the hosting team, so make sure they give their thanks to guests as well. There will likely be some guests there who you’re not familiar with — who are in your parents’ posse — so it’s of the utmost importance for your folks to talk with and thank these guests.

Troubleshoot Music Woes You’re never going to please everyone, but speak to the band or DJ ahead of time about who, exactly, is attending the wedding. Though your grandma might get a kick out of seeing the younger set shake it to Beyonce, four hours of pop might make her take out her hearing aid. Bottom line: Make sure that the band or DJ plays a wide variety of music. During dinner, ask that the songs are played at a medium decibel level so everyone can enjoy conversations, and the music too.

Cater to (Almost) Everyone’s Needs Make sure that the venues for the ceremony and the reception are accessible to all guests. If a guest uses a wheelchair, make room at the front of the ceremony space where there’s a good view of the vow exchange. It’s also a nice touch to ask elderly guests, or anyone else sitting on the sidelines, to dance; they will be touched that you took special effort to include them in the action.

Say Thank You! Besides thanking guests for coming, you, of course, need to send out thank-you notes as soon as possible — at the latest, a month after receiving the gift. Personalization in your note is appreciated and will be noticed, even if it’s included in just a sentence or two. Unsure of what to say? Reference the person’s gift and remark on how much you enjoyed the chat you shared at the wedding.