It’s amazing, points out Katherine DalPra (owner/designer for Green Diva, an online boutique of eco-friendly bridal jewelry) how uneducated and distanced we’ve become from the goods we buy.  We don’t know where our jewelry comes from, and who has been affected by it. “Behind some of our most beloved purchases… there is a dirty secret involving worker exploitation, toxic pollution and cultural destruction.”

Among the sins that you DON’T want to be supporting are violent conflict and forced labor. Miners and gemstone artisans are often underpaid and work in unsafe conditions. Metal mining is the number one toxic polluter in America, and is also the cause of Acid Mine Drainage, which is destroying our drinkable water sources.

Luckily, there are several options for sourcing ethical engagement rings from people that have made a great effort to get it right. If you’re not into wooden rings, synthetic stones, or rings constructed of your own bone, here are some trusted sources you might want to consider buying from.

CRED Jewellery

The world’s first Fair Trade jewelery retailer, CRED has pioneered the search for transparent, ethical sources of precious metals and stones, delivering the first truly ethical wedding rings in 2003.  Their engagement rings combine classic and contemporary styling with the finest ethically-sourced diamonds and Oro Verde™ Fair Trade metals to perfectly encapsulate your values and your love.

C5 Company

C5 company is a leader in sustainable fine jewelry. They offer beautiful, well-crafted, ready-to-wear pieces and custom jewelry that you can feel good about purchasing, gifting and wearing.

All of their jewelry is made with 100% recycled precious metals and ethically sourced gems and diamonds (both fair-trade mined and lab-created) to ensure that C5 company jewelry has minimal environmental and social impact.

Below: Estate diamonds reset in recycled palladium; Lab-created rubies set in recycled palladium.

Green Karat

Green Karat has a mission, to provide an ecologically and socially responsible jewelry alternative to those who seek change. If you want to become part of the solution, they want to help you.

Did you know that there is enough gold above ground (already mined) to satisfy all demands of the jewelry industry for the next 50 years? Much of it sits in bank vaults and in the form of old and unused jewelry.  Green Karat believes that buying recycled gold is one of the most ecologically and socially responsible choices a consumer can make.

Artisan Wedding Rings

These unique wedding rings and engagement ring sets are heirloom quality and made by artisans with recycled gold, silver and platinum. Artisan use the most ethically sourced diamonds and gemstones available anywhere.

Brilliant Earth

“Luxury with a Conscience” brings you uncompromisable ethics and meticulous craftsmanship. Their jewelry is created with the highest quality Canadian Conflict Free Diamond Jewelry™ made with renewed gold and platinum. They also supply Ethical origin Namibian diamonds, and 5% of all profits are donated in Africa.

To learn about fair trade, conflict-free diamonds, eco-friendly, recycled metals and responsibly-made jewelry, visit any of the websites mentioned here! For a list of more ethical jewelry suppliers, visit this page at the natural wedding company.

After all, diamonds are forever… and diamonds are a girls best friend… so choose wisely!

Shown: Tacori

Vintage Engagement Rings

Old Stones and antique settings prove that old is new again!

Shown: Doyle & Doyle $2,950; Gray & Davis $1500.00

Solitaire Engagement Rings

This elegant, timeless style is more popular than ever!

Shown: Cartier, Harry Winston

Garden Inspired Engagement Rings

The floral trend: where stones and flowers meld together!

Shown: De Beers $12,000; Christopher Designs $21,100

Green Engagement Rings

These brilliant, eye-catching gems with have you green with envy!

Shown: Tiffany & Co. $7,300;  Blue Nile $13,000

Rose Gold Engagement Rings

Platinum and yellow gold are classic choices, but rose gold is for the bold!

Shown: Neil Lane $120,000; Bulgari $7,900

These trends & photos are via InStyle Weddings. For more engagement ring pictures, visit InStyle Weddings!

Here are a list of questions you can ask yourself to ascertain whether there are any lurking issues that need to be worked out before you say “I do.”

1. What is your worst fear if you marry this person?

2. What do you still need to know in order to be certain you want to marry this person?

3. Is he/she a kind person

4. Is he/she a responsible and honest person?

5. Do you find him/her attractive?

6. Does he/she take care of his personal hygiene, health, and nutrition?

7. Do you feel this person is trying to change you?

8. Do you feel fully accepted by this person?

9. Do you admire and respect this person?

10. What do you see when you look in his/her eyes?

11. Does he/she like him/herself?

12. Do you work well together as a team?

13. Are your values, priorities, life philosophy, and goals compatible?

14. Do you communicate well and listen to each other?

15. Is this person unhappy? Depressed? Confused?

16. Do you understand how men and women’s primary emotional needs are different?

17. Do you trust his/her judgment?

18. Can you live with this person exactly the way he/she is today?

19. What is this person really into? Do you respect and identify with it?

20. Can you express your feelings and opinions honestly and openly with this person?

21. Is he/she critical or judgmental of you?

22. Do you feel emotionally safe with this person?

23. Are you afraid of this person in any way?

24. Can you be yourself with this person? Can you be playful?

25. Can you be vulnerable with this person?

26. Do you like the way you feel when you’re with this person? Do you feel relaxed?

27. Is this person emotionally available?

28. Does this person have any compulsive behaviors or addictions?

29. Was this person abused in any way growing up?

30. Are there any psychological disorders in either of your families?

31. Do you trust him, without a doubt?

32. Does he/she have integrity?

33. Do you care about what happens to this person and want to help him/her succeed in life?

34. Are you certain that this person will respect your feelings and needs?

35. Do you want to have children with this person?

36. Would you want your kids to be like this person?

37. Do you want to be more like this person?

38. Have you thoroughly checked out this person’s character with reliable people?

39. Are you in agreement about your “lifestyle” and family expectations?

If any of these questions leave you with an uncomfortable feeling, it may be wise to think deeply about your relationship, and, if necessary, seek premarital counseling to help you work through it. An ounce of prevention, as they say, is worth a pound of cure!

These questions are from Clarity Talk, by Dov Heller, Liscensed Marrige and Family Therapist, serving the LA-Beverly Hills area.

image: Jewel Info 4 U

Planning your Engagement Session

You want to show off your relationship and also your personality, so it’s a good idea to put some thought & planning into your engagement session. One of the best ways to do that is through your clothing and accessories. Here are some tips for adding a little flair!

• Scarves, belts, hats, shoes, jewelry, etc all add to your look & will help create some amazing images for you. Bringing in some of your personal style helps the photographer to be a lot more creatively inspired!
• Think about having a couple of outfits to change into. Stick with clothing that you are comfortable in.
• Schedule your hair & makeup trial on the same day as the engagement session, if possible, to ensure you’ll look your very best in the engagement photos.
• Coordinate his & her outfits together. When choosing clothing for the two of you, think of the different pieces of each outfit, so that everything works well together.
• Location, location, location! Whether in your home or a nearby park, the key is to be creative and have fun. The you can incorporate your surroundings and each other, the better your pictures will be.
• Albright creative Imagery.com suggests that you take 30 minutes before the shoot to just focus on each other. You want the focus your attention on just the two of you so that during the shoot your connection to each other will be strong. These sparks will be permanently recorded in your pictures.

Check out the accessories in the following photos, such as the hot red shoes, guy’s hat, and flower in the girl’s hair. If you consider what type of vibe you want in your photos, whether it’s romantic, sensual, sweet, or fiery, your choice of color and accessories will make a big impact.

Flirt with the camera

Most couples feel a little nervous and shy when they start their session, and it often take at least 20 minutes to warm up to the camera. But a big way to get the most out of your session is to play up your relationship to the camera. The idea is to capture the real relationship between the two of you, and the best way to do that is to act naturally with each other, relax, and have fun. “If you are typically goofy with each other, then show that to the camera,” Geoff advises. “If the two of you tend to be more intimate, then go ahead and snuggle up, hold hands, embrace, look into each other’s eyes. If you are very romantic and tend to be more on the sensual side, then don’t be afraid to show it! I’m a big fan of making out on camera!”

Props can add a unique touch to your photos, so consider using something that’s meaningful to both of you, or whatever catches your fancy during the photo shoot. A car, a tree, or even a pet…

Images from Geoff White and albrightcreativeimagery.com

Poses

There are many ways to pose for engagement photos, so you should consider your own preferences, as well as how you’d like to present the photos to family and friends. You can have your photographer take some formal poses of you as well as some that are more causual or dramatic.

Formal:

Fun:

Dramatic:

1. Determine a Date

Choosing a wedding date can be tougher than you’d think. There are a few things to consider:

• How much time will you need to prepare for your wedding?
• Do any loved ones having a conflicting graduation, vacation, or pregnancy due date?
• Availability of a particular place, caterer, band, or photographer.If you have your heart set on any of these crucial vendors, that may also play a large part in your decision.
• Try to avoid dates of big conventions or other events that draw large crowds, since that might make it harder for out-of-town guests to get hotel rooms. Find out more wedding dates to avoid here

2. Set a Timetable

Consider is how long your engagement will be.  A typical engagement lasts anywhere from six months to a year and a half or more. If you got engaged during the holidays but always wanted a summer wedding, make sure you’ve got enough time to plan without making yourselves wedding-crazy, and keep in mind that many vendors and reception sites book a year or more in advance.

3. Envision the Style

Your wedding style will be reflected first and foremost in the location, whether it’s a luxe ballroom or an intimate backyard reception. Discuss with your fiance where your wedding will take place (in one of your hometowns or in the city where you currently live, for example), and then start scouting sites that can accommodate your wedding style.

4. Set Your Budget

In the end, dollars, not dreams, are a main determining factor for the size and style of your wedding. So, what affects the price tag?

• Formality: In general, the more formal the reception, the more expensive, considering you’ll have to match the site, food, and decor to the overall upscale tone.
• Date and time: Saturdays, summer months, and evenings tend to be the most costly times to have a reception.
• Location: In many cases, a wedding in a major metropolitan area is simply more expensive than in a smaller town.

5. Announce Your Engagement

Call your local newspaper, your alumni magazine, and anywhere else you want your engagement announcement to appear. Find out the name of the appropriate editor or department and ask for the writer’s guidelines or a standardized form, if available. Also, ask if there’s a fee for publication. You can also broadcast the news on your blog, by email, or by creating a wedding web page.

6. Choose Your Attendants

Although not mandatory, some like to honor their closest friends and family members by including them in the wedding parties. Remember, the earlier you ask, the sooner you can enlist their help.  Usually members of the wedding party are agreeing to spend their hard-earned money and donate their precious time, so be considerate and kind, keep them informed, and make sure they know how much you appreciate them.

7. Make a Guest List

Location and budget will have a big influence on the size of your guest list.  If you have a particular ceremony or reception site in mind, for instance, you’re going to be limited by how many people it can accommodate (you can’t squeeze 300 people into a lighthouse). And more guests you invite means a bigger bill, as catering costs are generally calculated on a per-head basis. So figure out how many people you can accommodate, and then work on filling it in with those nearest and dearest to you.

8. Consider a Consultant

If you’re a super-busy couple, hire a full-time wedding consultant to help you prepare your entire event, from the announcement to the honeymoon. You can also hire a part-time planner to devise a wedding blueprint — including budget, schedule, and lists of good vendor and site choices — before you launch solo into the preparations. Another option is a day-of coordinator, who will make sure everything goes as planned on your wedding day so you can relax and enjoy yourself.

9. Start Gown Shopping

It’s never too early to begin thinking about your wedding dress. Start by figuring out which style will look best on you. Learn the lingo by reading up on silhouettes, necklines, trains, and hues that might flatter you. Season will also affect your choice. Summer gowns are made with lightweight fabrics such as chiffon, linen, or organza. A winter wedding calls for brocade, faux fur, and velvet fabrics to keep you warm. Satin, shantung, silk, and tulle are perfect year-round.

Hopefully these tips will be helpful to you as you start planning for your big day! We wish you only happiness as you plan your wedding and prepare for the marriage that comes after it! Congratulations!

Whether it’s wedding or bridal shower invitations, place cards, wedding favors, or thank you cards, consider using rubber stamps on your home-made creation. There is an incredible array of options ranging from classic to whimsical, that will put the perfect finishing touch on your handiwork. Plus, they’re adorable, easy to use and loads of fun!

These tips are from About.com. Check out their site for more info:

Getting started: For inspiration, look through rubber-stamping and card-making magazines, and visit craft stores to look at paper and cardstock first hand. These will provide plenty of inspiration. Remember that greeting card layouts are simple to adapt, therefore a great birthday card layout, for instance, could be adapted to make a great wedding invitation. Make a note of fonts, type faces, and color choices as this will help when choosing or commissioning rubber stamps.

Follow the theme: Pick rubber stamps, inks, papers, and other materials that match or complement your wedding design theme and colors.

Customize: Many companies offer customized rubber stamps that can be personalized with your names and/or design. The design department will work with you to craft an image you love, or you can use a design of your own!

But the best materials: This means looking for products that are of archival quality and that are acid free. Your invitation will look good longer, even after years in your scrapbook! Good supplies are readily available from stamping and craft stores and are becoming very much the standard offering, so it doesn’t have to be expensive. But good quality rubber stamps too, for clear and crisp images.

Practice makes perfect: While it might be extremely tempting to start work straight away creating invitations, it is useful to practice on scrap paper with unfamiliar products first. This will help to avoid any costly mistakes or problems later on.

Envelopes: Your invitations might look fabulous studded with embellishments and adornments, but it does have to fit into the envelope! While it is possible to buy or make small card-sized boxes for heavily adorned cards, they will cost more to produce and send. Make sure you’re cards are not too bulky.

Include Basic Info: They’re going to look great, but don’t forget that the invitation must convey some important information. It is possible to buy rubber stamps that include these headings and then handwriting the relevant information. Alternatives include creating a rubber stamp with all the information or printing theses details from your home computer.

• The names of the couple
• The date of the wedding
• The location and time of the wedding
• The location and time of the reception.
• How to reply

Plan ahead: Make a few spare invitations in case some get lost in the post, or for last minute guests. Plan ahead, particularly when commissioning stamps. Stamping when stressed is not likely to give the best results!

The following delightful stamp images are available at Impress Rubber Stamps:

Check out their “wedding ideas” page for amazingly creative invitations and cards such as this one (bridal shower stamp for sale too):

You can also look at Blossom Stamps on Etsy for unique stamps, stickers, and one-of-a-kind hand carved stamps:

Addicted to Rubber Stamps has some cute bride-themed stamp sets:

From Blockhead Stamps, some gorgeous stamp sets, particularly if you like an Asian theme:

Some pretty finished products, including invitations, place cards, and wedding favors:

And I rarely even think about them.

Not so with most women, according to this piece by Simon Mills, titled What men really think about women and their obsession with wedding rings.  He accuses ladies these days  of being completely obsessed with wedding rings, noting with glee which celebrities are wearing theirs and which ones are not.

Madonna is ring-less?

The man thinks: “Perhaps she left it on the bathroom sink. Perhaps she wanted to give her famously bony fingers a rest. Perhaps she’d just been doing a bit of yoga, or cleaning the bath with a dab of powerful and potentially corrosive Cillit Bang (OK, unlikely).”

The woman chooses to: “immediately opt for the most emotionally overwrought, worst case scenario of infidelity, public cuckolding and long, drawn-out marital meltdown.”

Mr. Mills, who has been married for over a decade, doesn’t even know if his wife wears her rings, he hasn’t noticed. If he did want to sneak a peek, he isn’t sure which finger he should be looking at. (Note to guys: It’s usually the ring finger on the left hand– that’s the finger next to your pinkie!) “The banal, cod-forensic examination of female digits for those telltale signs of marital unrest, infidelity or impending divorce is, to us, not only just a little bit creepy, but also one of those things… that men just don’t get. We are, if you pardon the dreadful pun, completely bored of the rings.”

An interesting side note, according to StreetDirectory:

In ancient times, accepting a wedding ring constituted a legally binding agreement between husband and wife. The wife became property of the husband, a holding of sorts. It also represented protection to the wife—a protection against challengers seizing her legal and rightful position in a power grab.

Early Egyptian wedding rings were simple circular bands, crudely crafted from indigenous materials such as hemp and reeds. The lifespan of the average wedding ring was approximately one year. It’s a safe bet that the average marriage outlasted the average wedding band, since the eternal circle signified eternal love and devotion.

… In ancient times, wedding bands occupied the third finger on the left hand just as they do today. The significance of the third finger was the belief that the vein in the third finger, the ‘vena amoris,’ led directly to the heart.

There actually is no vena amoris. The origin of the wedding ring is unromantic, to say the least. Folklore and superstition form most of its symbolism.  Rings are awkward and expensive.  So why wear one anyway?  Today people choose to see the circular shape of a ring as symbolic of “eternity, endlessness, and something that can not be broken. Wedding rings are given as a token of unending love for each other. Traditionally, as a symbol of strength in the marriage, wedding rings are made from a metal.”

Whether or not you wear your ring on your finger, we hope that the feeling of “eternity and unending love” will rest be in our hearts always.  And let Madonna worry about her own marriage.

1. Let your guests know as soon as possible.

If your wedding is called off after the invitations are mailed and time is running short before the planned date, then you–or a friend or a family member–must pick up the phone and call each guest to inform them of the cancellation.

If time allows, it is also acceptable to send an announcement. It should be a simple printed card that says the wedding will not take place. No details necessary!

2. Get back your money.

While the emotional trauma of canceling a wedding always outweighs its financial repercussions, there are still lots of money-related tasks that need to be taken care of–and fast.

As soon as you know the wedding is off, let all your vendors know.

Even if you terminate early, most wedding contracts stipulate that a deposit will not be refunded. Generally speaking, though, if vendors can rebook the date, they will return most, if not all, of your money. But if your vendors are unable to rebook the space, or, if in the case of a dress or event designer, they have spent much money or time on your wedding, they are obligated to refund only what they deem appropriate.

Your best bet is to rely on the sympathy of your suppliers rather than take an argumentative or confrontational tone when you ask about the possibility of a refund.

Traditionally, wedding insurance only covers situations that are out of the bride’s and groom’s control. Some policies do cover a “change of heart,” but in those cases, there are limits for how much insurance companies will reimburse you. And to claim those funds, you must also prove that you were the person that was dumped and left, as they say, “stranded.”

3. Gifts have to go back, too.

All gifts, from toasters to flatware, should be sent back to the giver. The returned espresso machine doesn’t need an in-depth explanation, just a note saying that, under the circumstances, you can’t accept this lovely gift. If, as is increasingly the case, you have already used the gift, you must send an identical replacement or its monetary equivalent.

4. Yes, the ring should be returned to the purchaser.

Of course, this is the crucial issue. Does the bride really have to give back that gorgeous rock? Hundreds of court cases have been tried on this subject and produced varied verdicts. Some judges ruled that the “donor” gets to keep the ring; others decided that it depends on who broke off the engagement.

Personally, I agree with Jennifer Lopez, who returned a 6.1-carat pink Harry Winston ring to Ben Affleck in 2004. It doesn’t matter what the legal system says; propriety dictates that the ring should go back to the purchaser.

5. Reimburse attendants for their expenses.

If your bridesmaids and groomsmen have already bought their outfits, reserved hotel rooms or paid for airline tickets, you should pay them back. There’s no wiggle room on this one.

6. Seek professional counseling.

Those of us in the wedding business often hear stories about brides who, after being left at the altar, decide to hold the party anyway. They reportedly dance with abandon, seemingly unconcerned that there wasn’t a ceremony before the reception. But I suspect many of these tales are urban myths.

The truth is, it’s traumatizing for the jilted partner, and the bride and groom both need time to regain their composures. Just like in a divorce, sometimes the ex-couple makes bad decisions out of anger or hurt. Take a break from interacting with each other until you are both calm–which might be several weeks, at best–and make sure there is an objective, unemotional mediator present when you do decide to talk.

photo credit: Flickr

And now…

“We are going to a talk to a highly recommended marriage counselor tomorrow,” she told me yesterday, ” But it looks like we are headed for a divorce.” I could hear the pain in her voice and I know this is not what she foresaw as a newlywed bride. “I guess we are just too different.”

I can’t make a judgement about whether or not they really are “too different” for each other. But it seems to me that many couples today, especially inter-racial couples like Rachel and her husband, are by default very different, and those differences are part of what attracts them to each other in the first place. Two people, two sets of habits, two histories, two life views. Inevitably, these differences lead to conflict and feelings of frustration and upheaval.

Getting married is easy. Staying married can seem impossible. This is obvious by the skyrocketing divorce rate. What’s up with people? They’re dating and living together for years and years, getting to know all they can about their future spouse, and yet once they’re married it’s just too hard to stay together. Can it be that people are just not eager to do the work it takes to keep a marriage going?

A wise woman I know once said that the first few years of marriage are all about learning to co-exist– nothing more. Ah, the infamous First Year of marriage! I know lots of happily married couples who tell me they were on the brink of divorce that first year. If people would enter a marriage knowing this, I think they could rough it through the “adjustment period” and go on to have many happy years together.

I don’t know if there’s a secret to staying in love forever, but I think that learning to deal with your spouse’s unique personality (along with his different tastes, annoying habits, strong opinions, etc.) would be a good start. Keeping the peace. Holding your tongue. Biding your time. Being kind, tolerant and respectful. I’d call it “learning to live together gracefully.” It’s a hard at first but don’t worry, it won’t always take this much effort!

Here are five simple rules to help you Stay in Love Forever, by Dov Heller, a licensed Marriage and Famil Therapist who holds two Masters degrees in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University and in Contemporary Theology from Harvard University.

1.CHERISH YOUR WIFE. RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND.

The core emotional need of a woman is to be cherished. This is the husband’s number one responsibility. That means making her feel loved and appreciated, that she’s your number one priority.

A man’s core emotional need is to feel respected by his wife. When he comes home, he wants to feel that there is at least one person in the world who thinks he’s got what it takes. That means getting off the phone when he walks in the door.

2.TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE GOOD FRIENDS

The hallmark of friendship is that each person validates and respects the other person’s feelings and needs. Validation means: What’s important to you is important to me. It’s a key way to make your spouse feel loved.

3. REMEMBER THE FOUR GOLDEN WORDS: LISTEN, COMPROMISE, REPAIR, AND GRATITUDE.

Agree to keep one basic rule at the beginning of your marriage: No matter how upset you are, never launch a verbal attack. Fighting with insults only makes problems worse and erodes the relationship. Instead, implement the four golden words:

Listening: It’s essential for working together and solving problems. Allow your spouse to speak without interruption and then repeat what has just been said. This reassures your spouse that he or she was heard.

Compromise: Strive to solve problems where both of you are happy with the solution. Neither one should feel coerced into accepting the other person’s point of view.

Repair: When you hurt each other emotionally, repair the breakdown and remove the lingering feelings of anger and resentment. Aim for 100% reconciliation. A little resentment multiplied 50 times can create a wall of bitterness.

Gratitude: You can never say thank you enough to your spouse. Try to notice everything your spouse does for you and acknowledge it with sincere gratitude.

4. ESTABLISH STRONG BOUNDARIES

Your spouse is your number one priority – not your parents, relatives, friends, children, work, or hobbies. Set strong boundaries that show you value your marriage and don’t allow anyone or anything to weaken your relationship.

That means meeting your spouse’s needs before your parents’ needs, coming home with enough time left in the evening to have quality time together, and inviolate date nights.

5. GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE DAILY

Marriage is ultimately about making each other feel good and striving to give your spouse pleasure on a daily basis – on his or her terms. If she says she likes lilies, don’t bring her roses because you think they’re more romantic.

Learn how your spouse prefers to be given to – whether it’s physical affection, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service (like helping out in the house, running errands) or spending quality time – and get in the daily habit of doing it.

You’ll enjoy giving more than receiving.

According to Dov Heller, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the essence of love is friendship. “LOVE IS A RELATIONSHIP IN WHICH EACH PERSON VALIDATES AND RESPECTS THE OTHER PERSON’S FEELINGS AND INDIVIDUALITY AND IS COMMITTED TO NURTURING THE OTHER PERSON’S GROWTH, WELL-BEING AND HAPPINESS.”

Here are a list of very important questions to ask yourself, before you say “I Do”:

1. What is your worst fear if you marry this person?

2. What do you still need to know in order to be certain you want to marry this person?

3. Is he/she a kind person?

4. Is he/she a responsible and honest person?

5. Do you find him/her attractive?

6. Does he/she take care of his personal hygiene, health, and nutrition?

7. Do you feel this person is trying to change you?

8. Do you feel fully accepted by this person?

9. Do you admire and respect this person?

10. What do you see when you look in his/her eyes?

11. Does he/she like him/herself?

12. Do you work well together as a team?

13. Are your values, priorities, life philosophy, and goals compatible?

14. Do you communicate well and listen to each other?

15. Is this person unhappy? Depressed? Confused?

16. Do you understand how men and women’s primary emotional needs are different?

17. Do you trust his/her judgment?

18. Can you live with this person exactly the way he/she is today?

19. What is this person really into? Do you respect and identify with it?

20. Can you express your feelings and opinions honestly and openly with this person?

21. Is he/she critical or judgmental of you?

22. Do you feel emotionally safe with this person?

23. Are you afraid of this person in any way?

24. Can you be yourself with this person? Can you be playful?

25. Can you be vulnerable with this person?

26. Do you like the way you feel when you’re with this person? Do you feel relaxed?

27. Is this person emotionally available?

28. Does this person have any compulsive behaviors or addictions?

29. Was this person abused in any way growing up?

30. Are there any psychological disorders in either of your families?

31. Do you trust him, without a doubt?

32. Does he/she have integrity?

33. Do you care about what happens to this person and want to help him/her succeed in life?

34. Are you certain that this person will respect your feelings and needs?

35. Do you want to have children with this person?

36. Would you want your kids to be like this person?

37. Do you want to be more like this person?

38. Have you thoroughly checked out this person’s character with reliable people?

39. Are you in agreement about your “lifestyle” and family expectations?

photo credit: wedding bells blog… thanks!!