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In addition to that, technology and social media make it easy to maintain friendships even with people you don’t see that often. Emails, blogs, text, chats, Facebook… they all make it simple to stay connected and foster intimacy.

Whether or not your opposite-sex friendships are truly platonic, the dynamics of all friendships shift a bit once you are married. Suddenly there is one person and one relationship which must be the priority in your life. The question of how appropriate it is to have and spend time with opposite sex friends suddenly becomes a question that you may never have asked yourself before. It is not only a question of how comfortable you feel maintaining opposite-sex friendships, it’s a question of how your spouse feels about these relationships.

Some couples will say that they trust their spouse and respect their right to keep their opposite-sex friends. Others say that despite trusting their spouse not to act inappropriately, the are uncomfortable having them spend private time together. In these cases it may be best to include your spouses in sharing group quality time.

In her article Can Married People Have Opposite Sex Friends? Diane Gottsman explores this conflict and offers six tips to help protect your marriage when dealing with friends of the opposite sex. Here is her advice:

1. Listen to your intuition. If you feel deep down that your friend has romantic feelings for you, do not pursue the platonic friendship.

2. Keep personal space and physical touch in check. Although the relationship may be more relaxed than a business client, keep the same amount of distance and space you would with your boss’s wife. Close proximity and intimate touch is reserved for your spouse alone.

3. Don’t discuss your spouse’s flaws with your friend. Even if you consider yourself very close friends, it’s a form of betrayal to vent to your friend about your spouse’s shortcomings, especially without addressing it with your spouse first.

4. Meet in public places at appropriate times of day. Just like mom used to say, “Nothing good happens after 1:00 a.m.,” the same holds true with your friend. Time and place is a consideration when meeting with your friend of the opposite gender.

5. Include your spouse in your plans. If it’s only platonic, there should be no problem with one more person tagging along.

6. Your spouse always comes first. If your relationship with your friend is causing marital strife, your first consideration should always be your mate.

There may not be a one-size-fits-all answer to the question of whether men and women can truly be just friends. But for married people, it’s vital to keep your relationship with your spouse above all others. If your spouse thinks there is a problem, then there is indeed a problem.

More advice for happy marriages at Hitched.com

How is working with a travel agent beneficial when booking a destination wedding?

When you book a block of hotel rooms directly or with an online travel site, you always pay the full fee upfront. When you work with an agent, s/he can negotiate a group hotel rate, and then renegotiate as your date gets closer, when hotels know more about their occupancy levels. Low occupancy equals deals! With an agent, final payment sometimes isn’t due until a month prior, which gives you extra time to firm up your guest list.

Are there discounts for group air travel?

Yes! For example, American Airlines will create a savings code — usually 5 percent off –if you have at least 10 people traveling their airline . They do not need to fly from the same airport.

How can newlyweds get upgrades?

When making a reservation, let your hotel know it’s your honeymoon! They’ll often give you a little something extra like a welcome bottle of Champagne, breakfast in bed, or even a nicer room at no extra charge. (Note: adults- and couples-only resorts don’t normally offer extras, as they cater almost exclusively to honeymooners.)

Any tips for arranging flights?

September us generally a cheap travel month as kids in the U.S. are back in school, Europeans are home from summer trips, and it’s hurricane season in the Caribbean and Mexico. Midweek flights can be cheaper than weekends. If you’re making numerous stops, consider a “circle trip,” which many airlines offer. It starts and ends at point A, but includes stops in between. This should cost less than buying a bunch of one-way tickets.

What  important issues do travelers often overlook?

Some airlines charge luggage fees. Some, like Delta, give you one free bag on international flights.  You also need to check visa requirements; many cruise lines leave it up to you to arrange visas for their ports of call.  And don’t forget to make sure your passport is valid. For countries like Costa Rica, your passport must be valid for 30 days after arrival, but others, like Fiji, count three months past departure date.

What are some necessities for long flights?

A blanket that comes in a bag is handy– you can use the bag to cover the airplane pillow!  Healthy snacks, like trail mix, are a must, since airplane food is either prepackaged or pricey. And DK Eyewitness Travel Guides are great for studying up on your destination.

Any advice for those who don’t use an agent?

If you can, book well in advance. Sign up for airline and hotel e-blasts, and monitor their Facebook and Twitter pages for deals, too.

Choice, the leading consumer advocacy group in Australia, investigated whether higher quotes do indeed go hand in hand with the W-word. (But such things go on everywhere, including the US and UK…)

The Experiment:

Businesses were selected in Melbourne and Sydney to provide a good cross-section of suburbs and demographics. To see if the W-word would make a distinct difference in prices our two shadow shoppers contacted 60 businesses  – 30 in each city – and each was contacted twice, once by our bride and once by the birthday girl.

• Florists were asked to provide quotes on flowers to decorate the venue only – no bridal bouquets were requested.
• The photographer was told they were only needed for the reception and not the ceremony, as this was being done by a friend.
• For the cake, flowers and car enquiries, the birthday shopper used the same details confirmed for the wedding scenario.

Wedding enquiries were conducted first. Our prospective bride made a phone call to ask about pricing and request a quote. Once this enquiry was completed, the second shopper called the same business with exactly the same request, but claimed the event was a 40th birthday. The second call was made approximately one week after the first call.

The Results:

As suspected – more than half the wedding suppliers approached by the shadow shoppers quoted a higher price for the bride than the birthday girl.

To be fair, we’ll tell you why this is so from the vendors’ perspective first. John O’Meara, Chairman of the Australia Bridal Industry Association, justifies charging a price premium in some cases. Because a wedding is a “once in a lifetime” occasion, brides and grooms can often be very demanding and high-maintenance customers. In many cases, they have much higher expectations than another customer. These vendors fell that they have to work extra hard to make the client happy, and are inclined to charge extra.

On the other hand, shoppers are often directed to pricey “wedding packages” that include a lot of unnecessary extras, and don’t allow for individual requirements. The bottom line is that if you don’t want to pay more than a service is worth, it’s important to shop around.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions, to find out why they are quoting the price that they do, and sometimes it’s even OK to haggle!  If you think it’s fair, you can ask about hour rates or quotes for certain services, and only after receiving a figure, mention that you’re planning a wedding.

For example, 7 out of 10 car hire companies quoted more for the wedding than for the birthday.  Some photographers quoted up to 150% more for the wedding than the birthday, only offering expensive all-day rates. On the other hand, of the 10 florists, half quoted more for the wedding while the other half quoted more for the birthday! Again, it does pay to shop around, especially for services that you should be paying for by the hour.

A true story:

George Paul called the venue he was interested in to get quotes for his wedding, describing the event as a birthday party. He says organizers were fine with the requests and sent him a quote. Later, when confessing he and his partner planned to marry on the day, he says the staff went into in a flap, claiming a wedding required a different menu because there were “different packages for weddings”. When asked why, the response was “that’s just the way we do it.”

When George checked the wedding package, the quote was about 60% more than the original for the same venue, drinks and a slightly different menu. “I told them I only wanted to pay for the birthday package they originally provided. Once they recognized they’d been caught out, they agreed to let me have the wedding there at the price I was originally quoted, no extra cost.”

After Choice published these findings, they realized that this is a hot topic among consumers, industry experts and media.  They invited some of Australia’s most influential wedding suppliers and lifestyle, food and consumer bloggers to weigh in on the debate in a roundtable discussion.  Here are some interesting insights into the many complex views on this issue and its potential impact on both the consumer and supplier.

Expert Advice for Consumers
• Come prepared with a budget outline
• Ask as many questions as you can of your supplier so that you receive the level of service you’re expecting
• Ask exactly what you get for your money and what are the extra charges, if any
• Be transparent and say it’s for a wedding. This will help the supplier to understand what extra work is going to be required
• Research supplier reputation: Websites, forums, social media and through word of mouth
• Always have a one-on-one consultation with your supplier to make sure you get along with them
• Don’t be pressured into packages and when offered, make sure you ask about flexibility
• You might be working with these people for 18 months or longer, so make sure the relationship remains healthy and open

Want to read more? Check out Choice’s article: Weddings – At What Price via Polka Dot Bride

This “Wedding Flowers” video will make you chuckle and cringe at the same time:

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Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open.  To avoid becoming a “statistic,” try to internalize these 10 insights.

#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married.

The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, “You actually can expect people to change after their married… for the worst!”

So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means, “I’m in lust.” Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person’s character?

Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he’s going to do?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?

Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most.

Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn’t “get it.” Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.

The unique need of a woman is to be loved — to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.

This is most apparent in Judaism’s approach to intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, “Men have two speeds: on and off.” Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.

#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.

There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

1. chemistry and compatibility
2. share common interests
3. share common life goal

Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re “living for,” while you’re single — and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.

This is the true definition of a “soul mate.” A soul mate is a goal mate — two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.

#5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.

Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical involvement tends to cloud one’s mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.

It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.

To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: “Do I respect and admire this person?”

This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.

Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?

#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.

Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!

Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There’s a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions.” A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.

#8. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table.

Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?

Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, then you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.

#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.

If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.

#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.

To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.

Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that’s no basis for a marriage.

Reprinted with permission. Rabbi Dov Heller is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who holds Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University and in Contemporary Theology from Harvard University. He also holds a B.A. in philosophy and was ordained a rabbi in Jerusalem in 1982. He is director of the Aish HaTorah Counseling Center in Los Angeles, founder of the Relationship Institute, and runs a private practice specializing in adult psychotherapy, marriage counseling and personal guidance. In addition, he provides an international coaching and counseling service via telephone helping people solve their relationship challenges. Visit his website at www.claritytalk.com.

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Watch this video to hear the advice of these wise women, each happily married for over 50 years!

And if you’re looking for more every-day wisdom, you should check out her book, How to Sew a Button. Practical and empowering, this book is a collection of the treasured wisdom from nanas, bubbies, and grandmas from all across the country—as well as modern-day experts. You will access more than one hundred step-by-step essential tips for cooking, cleaning, and entertaining.

Each of these grandmas survived The Great Depression, and their stories on making due, helping others, finding fun, and even falling in love are the basis for How to Sew a Button.  They can teach you how to make life much simpler, sweeter, and richer—and a lot more fun, too! And, as your grandmother might say, if you want to save money, it pays to learn how to do things yourself!

As reported by WeddedBits, guests write words of wisdom, ranging from “Never go to bed angry” to “Ask before deleting his favorite show from your TiVo,” on the cards and present them to the bride-to-be. It’s great because everyone can participate, from Great Aunt Lily to your 10-year old flower girl. Who doesn’t love to give advice? As each guest reads theirs aloud, be prepared for some added laughter and tears.

The wording, fonts, and graphics can be customized, and the set comes packaged in a pretty blue box. $17 for 20 cards. Visit Inkspot Workshop’s Etsy site for more information.

I thought Sherry Amatenstein’s advice was sensible, and if you can’t seem to find true love, her commentary might give you the help you need to make a change.  “If one or two sound familiar,” she says, “Don’t beat yourself up.  Just recognize that you deserve better and commit to making a change for good.”

Excuse me for cutting and pasting… Here we go!

1. If you think love will never find you, it won’t. I receive many posts on the Dating Doyenne board from women whose romantic disappointments have left them convinced there is something inherently unlovable about them. They say things like: “Who would want me anyway? I’m sure I’m going to wind up alone.”

Obviously these women are as worthy of love as you and I. (Yes, we’re worthy!) But they’ve come down with something so awful it can keep them solo for years to come: self-fulfilling prophecy, or SFP. SFP isn’t contagious but it will make potential dates run the opposite way. It’s an insidious disease. Physically, it leaves the sufferer untouched. But the more one walks around saying, “I will never find love,” the higher the odds that expectation will come true. Contrarily, the sunnier one’s thoughts

— “I’m such a cool, happy person that I’m bound to find love” — the sunnier the forecast for her romantic future.

If you’re among those throwing one too many pity parties for herself, get busy: Start a journal. Each day write down something lovable about yourself. It will get easier with time. You can even consider calling or emailing a few close friends or relatives, so they can share reasons they think a man would be lucky to have you. Level with them about why you’re making this request, and they’ll probably be happy to help. Whenever a negative thought threatens to invade your mind, replace it with a positive one.

Uncover the other love mistakes that might be keeping you single right here:

2. Kick the bad-boy habit. News flash: Good guys have not gone the way of the 8-track. They exist in bulk. The trick is learning to both recognize and want a man of worth. “For years I was attracted to guys whose mission was to hurt me,” says reformed bad-boy lover Adelle Harris, a 32-year-old Chicago Web designer. “It would be obvious from the get-go. They’d never call when they said they would, were constantly caught in stupid lies, said they loved me, then ran around with other women. One even tried to seduce my best friend.” During these years, Adelle kept railing that her dates were the best of a bad lot: No man could be kind or faithful. Then she attended a cousin’s wedding. “Naomi’s bridegroom Rick was the sweetest man in the world. He obviously adored my cousin and lived to please her,” says Adelle. “Seeing the sweet, loving light in his eyes, I vowed that one day I’d meet a man who would look at me like I was a treasure.”

Adelle took a dating hiatus and did some much-needed thinking about the root of her obsession with bad boys. “My dad was a life-of-the-party type, but as a husband and father he was cold and uncaring,” she admits. “He left for good when I was 10. After that, the few times I’d see him I’d practically do cartwheels to win his attention. When I was old enough to have a boyfriend, I began metaphorically dating my dad. Once I realized what I’d been doing, I started seeing the appeal of guys who weren’t as flashy or unreliable, guys who were capable of caring.”

Today Adelle is engaged — to a Rick type. “I can’t believe I wasted all that time on men who treated me like dirt,” she says. “But it was worth it, I guess because it eventually taught me to truly appreciate a good man.”

3. Repeat after me: Love is not a synonym for leash. When Gina Thomas, a 29-year-old Manhattan magazine art director, got engaged, it seemed like a dream come true. In her fantasies she and her fiancé Bill would do everything together. Bill had a different definition. “Once we moved in together I assumed Bill would cut out the biweekly poker games with the guys and the occasional nights out after work,” says Gina. “Our jobs left us little free time as it was. We shouldn’t have wasted it on other people.”

Wanting your partner to be with you 24/7 is not realistic or fair, yet like Gina many women feel abandoned or unloved if their other half has needs (say, for male camaraderie or occasional solitude) that can’t be fulfilled by the relationship.
Gina’s insecurity and neediness led her to make Bill feel like he was under house arrest. And no matter how plush the jail, eventually a prisoner wants to be set free. The two split.

The happiest couples allow each other breathing room to grow. The more dynamic their lives apart (in terms of jobs, hobbies, friends), the more they’ll have to share with each other when they get together.

4. Don’t commit emotional infidelity. It is vital that your partner be someone you treat with courtesy and kindness. If you tell all of your favorite jokes and “bad day” stories to a friend or male coworker, what will you have left when you get home to your honey? It may sound crazy, but there is a premium on a person’s time and energy — there is only so much of it to go around — and if you spend yours with someone else, you’re potentially hurting your relationship. Even worse is betraying your partner’s confidences with a male friend or coworker. Just ask Dorinne Badenstadt, a 34-year-old chef from Santa Fe, New Mexico. “After six years of marriage my husband Ed and I started growing apart. Nothing drastic, but he was no longer the first person I’d tell when something good or bad happened,” she says. “That honor belonged to my neighbor Don.”

Dorinne never slept with Don, but she did begin sharing intimacies, such as the fact that her husband wore a toupee, a fact Don joked about at a neighborhood barbecue. Ed was shocked and felt betrayed at hearing his business discussed over hot dogs and beer. He accused his wife of disloyalty, precipitating the biggest fight the pair had ever had. The couple patched things up, but Dorinne was reminded the hard way that her marriage needed to be the number one relationship in her life.

5. You’re wrong if you need to be right. When Anne Ryan, a 29-year-old from Chicago, met her boyfriend Sam, she was delighted that the two had so much in common. Both were lawyers and loved to tango, downhill ski and play chess. Both were also stubbornly prideful. “Sam was perfect except for one horrible flaw,” says Anne. “He always needed to be right — whether it was about which restaurant served better burgers or which of us had apologized first after our last fight. What I didn’t realize until it was too late was that I was just as bad. I couldn’t admit that I’d forgotten to give him an important phone message or that his desire to move to L.A. was something I should seriously consider. I wanted to stay in Chicago and that was all that mattered. It was my way or the highway.”

Sam eventually took the highway — heading due west. If you and/or your partner can never admit to being wrong, you’ll win a few TKOs but you’ll never win much satisfaction. Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness. Correction, Ali McGraw: Love does mean occasionally having to say you’re sorry