What is a Prenuptial Agreement?

A prenuptial agreement is a contract between two people about to marry that spells out how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. Nancy Dunnan, a New York City financial adviser and author, advises couples to think of it as a business arrangement or as an insurance policy. “Marriage is not just an emotional and physical union — it’s also a financial union. A prenup and the discussions that go with it can help ensure the financial well-being of the marriage.” (Bankrate.com)

Does everyone need a Prenup?

Although some people think that prenuptial accords are only for the rich, even those who have worked hard to save a  nice nest egg may want to protect their assets. Bankrate.com thinks that you should consider having a prenup if you fall into any of the following categories:

How do I bring it up?

Since this is a touchy subject, some sensitivity will be necessary! Of course, it might be that your fiance has thought about it too, but is too scared to bring it up himself! In this case you’re off to a good start.

It is probably best to bring it up as early as possible, maybe even before you are engaged. If you and your other half have been open and honest with each other about other things, then it should hopefully not come as a huge shock that you want to discuss a prenup as well.

Carley, Editor-in-Chief at The Knot points out that there are actually some perks to broaching this uncomfortable but sometimes necessary topic. Her advice is to first remind him that prenuptial agreements actually allow you as a couple to decide what will happen to your cash in the event of a death or divorce, rather than leaving those decisions up to a judge. You can also point out that drawing up a pre-nup forces couples to face their finances and start planning for the future — something most newlyweds don’t start to think about for years. In the process of this discussion you may both learn important things about each other that you didn’t know before!

How do we write it up?

You will both have to fully disclose your assets and sources of income (from your job or business, or monetary gifts like an inheritance). Talk about why you want the prenup and what each party’s concerns are. Once everything is on paper, you and your lawyers will decide together how it will be divided up.  Bankrate.com advises that you each have your own lawyers who will co-write the agreement with their clients’ best interests in mind.

Some things to keep in mind when writing a prenuptial agreement:

• Honesty. Both parties must FULLY disclose their assets. If a judge detects that either person has hidden something, he can toss it out the window.
• It should be signed at least a month before the wedding, and preferably before you send out invitations. This is in order to avoid the appearance of coercion, another key reason why some agreements are rendered null and void.
• Fairness. A valid prenup should not have one spouse taking advantage of the other. If it goes to court, a judge will look for equity in your agreement.
• Avoid making frivolous demands.  Requiring that your spouse not gain weight, or that he take out the garbage three times a week may not be taken seriously. Weighty subjects, such as stipulating what religion your children will observe if you and your betrothed are of different faiths, can be included.
• Create a contract that is as formal as possible.  Use a matrimonial lawyer who is familiar with prenups and the laws of the state in which you will be living.

I love these adorable candy jars, which you can fill with candy of course, or anything else… paperclips for an office theme, tea leaves for an Oriental theme, seeds for a garden theme… Then add the finishing touch with a personalized label! Besides being cute,  your guests can take them home and re-purpose them for whatever they desire!

Another pretty yet useful wedding favor are these mini-notebooks and pens. No more rummaging around in your bag or pocket trying to find a scrap of paper and a pen! These tiny notebooks are just the thing if you want something personalized and useful that you’re guests will love!  Choose a color scheme and motif, and then customize the label with your names, the wedding date, and your last name initial.

A mug– now that’s always handy! These personalized glass mugs makes a memorable wedding reception gift for all your guests, whether they’re coffee, tea, or hot cocoa drinkers! They’re made extra special after you choose your own design, icons, colors, font style, name and date! (If you prefer, there are also shot glasses, wine glasses, tumblers, and flutes!)

On their own, or paired with the mugs and tumblers, these little drink packets are a delicious wedding or shower favor–easy to transport home, too! Choose lemonade or hot cocoa, depending on the season, and then personalize them with your choice of exclusive monogram designs. Yum!

Personalized napkins– regular and eco-friendly– are available in 4 sizes (dinner, luncheon, beverage, and hand towels) and an impressive spectrum of 28 lovely colors, 9 ink colors, and 3 type fonts! The eco-friendly, absorbent variety are made from 65% post-consumer material for earth-friendly peace of mind.

Take a look at these and other exclusively designed gifts and favors at American Bridal. You’ll love the great selection and flair they’ll add to your celebration!

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Unfortunately, instead of keeping it private, one zealous friend spread it all over the internet where it became a public sensation. Needless to say, this has not improved relations between Heidi and her mother-in-law. It has erupted into a major feud, and taste, manners, and humor seems to be lacking on everyone’s account.

No doubt the original email was harsh, but don’t you think it would have been more prudent to keep in under wraps? Share it with your best friend, by all means, but don’t get your parents involved (especially as the email is attacking them as well). I don’t think anything productive is gained by fostering anger between people in the same wedding party.

Instead, Heidi could have ignored it, or sent back a cold but polite email, asking that her mother-in-law refrain from criticizing her in such a way in the future. Decent people can manage to swallow constructive criticism if it is coming from a place of caring, but this was obviously not the case. With a mother-in-law like this, the best case scenario is to keep your distance and adopt the attitude that “it’s not about me.”

Here is some wise advice from Aish.com regarding abusive mother-in-laws: “Instead of seeing in your mother-in-law a person who is maliciously trying to hurt you, you might see a very threatened and insecure individual. It might be an insecurity resulting from aging, ill health, lack of fulfillment or a myriad of other factors and causes.”

Bottom line is that words can hurt, but only if you let them. You are in charge of your thoughts and you know when someone’s criticism of you is baseless.  Brush it off and get on with your life. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

And if you are the mother-in-law, searching to keep the peace, here is some great advice for you too (also from Aish.com). The choice is yours whether to love and accept your daughter-in-law as she is. Try thinking along these lines: “This is my child’s choice so I’m going to blindly like them. I’m not going to look for flaws or weaknesses. I’m going to only notice their strengths. I’m going to ignore the petty and the trivial and focus on what really counts. I’m going to like them and give to them and in doing so I will them come to love them.”

More good advice: In-Law Protection

As your wedding looms closer, dad my start to exhibit strange behavior, whether he’s more distant, short-tempered, distracted, or anxious. This is because thoughts of your marriage may trigger separation anxiety, qualms about entrusting his daughter to another man, and personal fears about aging (think midlife crises!).

Fatherhood is a large part of many men’s identity, so that when their daughter becomes engaged, they may feel that their job as a father is done, thus loosing an essential part of themselves. This may be perceived as a loss of control, triggering emotions such as fear, sadness, loss, and even anger.

Dr. Meeker points out that fathers tend to feel the “empty nest syndrome” at their children’s weddings, not necessarily when they leave home (the time when mom’s may feel their main role of mothering is done). And if dad is feeling any grief over this lost chapter in life, he may be having a hard time expressing it properly. Instead, he may “withdraw from you and the whole wedding-planning process, or even to lash out in anger.”

So what can I do about it?

We don’t want a sad dad, especially at such a joyous time! Talk about it, if you can, letting him know how important he is, and that no one will ever take his place.  Maybe you can spend some quality time together (with our without your fiance)

, or try to get him involved in some aspect of the wedding planning. Ask him if there are any family traditions that he’d like to include, making a toast at the dinner, even what he’s going to wear– anything that will get him more  involved!

And if you are wary of talking feelings with your dad, maybe mom can clue him in on why he’s feeling so moody!

Read more at Brides.com!

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In addition to that, technology and social media make it easy to maintain friendships even with people you don’t see that often. Emails, blogs, text, chats, Facebook… they all make it simple to stay connected and foster intimacy.

Whether or not your opposite-sex friendships are truly platonic, the dynamics of all friendships shift a bit once you are married. Suddenly there is one person and one relationship which must be the priority in your life. The question of how appropriate it is to have and spend time with opposite sex friends suddenly becomes a question that you may never have asked yourself before. It is not only a question of how comfortable you feel maintaining opposite-sex friendships, it’s a question of how your spouse feels about these relationships.

Some couples will say that they trust their spouse and respect their right to keep their opposite-sex friends. Others say that despite trusting their spouse not to act inappropriately, the are uncomfortable having them spend private time together. In these cases it may be best to include your spouses in sharing group quality time.

In her article Can Married People Have Opposite Sex Friends? Diane Gottsman explores this conflict and offers six tips to help protect your marriage when dealing with friends of the opposite sex. Here is her advice:

1. Listen to your intuition. If you feel deep down that your friend has romantic feelings for you, do not pursue the platonic friendship.

2. Keep personal space and physical touch in check. Although the relationship may be more relaxed than a business client, keep the same amount of distance and space you would with your boss’s wife. Close proximity and intimate touch is reserved for your spouse alone.

3. Don’t discuss your spouse’s flaws with your friend. Even if you consider yourself very close friends, it’s a form of betrayal to vent to your friend about your spouse’s shortcomings, especially without addressing it with your spouse first.

4. Meet in public places at appropriate times of day. Just like mom used to say, “Nothing good happens after 1:00 a.m.,” the same holds true with your friend. Time and place is a consideration when meeting with your friend of the opposite gender.

5. Include your spouse in your plans. If it’s only platonic, there should be no problem with one more person tagging along.

6. Your spouse always comes first. If your relationship with your friend is causing marital strife, your first consideration should always be your mate.

There may not be a one-size-fits-all answer to the question of whether men and women can truly be just friends. But for married people, it’s vital to keep your relationship with your spouse above all others. If your spouse thinks there is a problem, then there is indeed a problem.

More advice for happy marriages at Hitched.com

Review past spending: Together, review each other’s credit reports and monthly income statements.

Look toward the future: Decide whether you are going to mingle your bank accounts or keep them separate. Choose medical benefit policies. Write out wills. Assign healthcare proxies and powers of attorney. Look into buying life insurance policies to protect each other should anything happen to either person (this becomes more urgent when you have children).

Assign roles: Who will handle the day-to-day financial decisions like paying bills, budgeting and saving? Things you may want to set money aside for include kids’ college education, buying a home, and retirement.  Who’s in charge of monitoring where the money is going?

Family matters: Many experts advocate discussing the financial aspects of having and raising children before you start a family. My friends and I, on the other hand, agree that if we had done this, we’d never have babies! My husband and I have three beautiful children… but they’re going out to earn their keep as soon as they learn how to read.

Write it down: Putting your detailed financial strategy down on paper will help you to actually implement it.  You may want to employ the help of a financial professional who can make sure you’re covering all your bases and being realistic.

feature image: 5min.com: How to talk money with your spouse

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1. Personalized MP3 Cooler Bag

For the man who likes to celebrate outdoors, this brilliant bag is, quite simply, a portable party! Snacks and music go, great if you’re planning a beach or destination wedding, pool party rehearsal dinner or picnic engagement party!

Removable speaker panel, a battery-powered amplifier, a Velcro pocket for a standard-size mp3 player, a detachable jack, an adjustable shoulder strap, a top carry handle, a front zippered pocket, and an inner insulated cooler compartment, PLUS free embroidered initials, all for $49.95. Get it now!

2. Personalized Barbecue Cooler Kit

This is the perfect gift for any guy who is master of the grill. It’s fabulous for tailgating, camping, or heavy-duty picnicking.

This roomy cooler bag features: a front zippered pocket with a stainless steel grill brush, a spatula, and tongs; back zippered pocket holds a large tablecloth. Add on free personalization of your groomsmen’s initials or monograms, all for $62.95. Get it now!

3. Personalized Groomsmen Dresser Kit

Practical yet sentimental! This thoughtful men’s gift is a handsome valet tray where you can tuck in a photo to remind him of the good times you’ve shared! Personalized with his initials, this dresser set becomes a keepsake he’ll treasure as the years go by.

Black leatherette, with white topstitching and black velvet lining, four compartments, and photo box lid keep accessories and favorite memories safe. Free silver-plate personalization! Only $43.20. Get it now!

4. Personalized Groomsmen Cufflinks

Whether your groomsmen wears wingtip or laydown tuxedo shirts, these initialed classic brush silver square cufflinks will please your guy… and the ladies. Only $26.95. Get them now!

5. Personalized Mini Foosball Game Set

Now it’s foosball time all the time! You can play a little game wherever you go (just not during the ceremony!)…  Get your groomsmen hooked!

Miniature, portable, travel size Personalized Mini Foosball Game Set is made of silvertone metal and brass colored metal a features a replica of a real foosball game table complete with 2 sets of team players and 2 silvertone metallic balls. Free personalization up to 20 characters. Only $22.95! Get yours now!

6. Personalized NFL Wall Clock

Add a dose of team pride to your groomsmen’s game rooms with these impressive Personalized NFL Wall Clocks! Proudly made in the USA, these colorful NFL wall clocks feature genuine quartz movement. Available in 32 teams, these clocks may be personalized with up to 2 lines of 12 characters each. Only $28.95! Get it here!

7. Sean Travel Set

A handy-dandy gift for the man on the move. Especially apropos if you’re having a destination wedding. The handsome aluminum carrying case contains a razor, spare razon blades, small and large nail clipper, shaver, file, cuticle cutter, cuticle cleaner, and tweezer. Only $38.95! Get it now!

8. Engravable Silver Pocket Tool

This silver pocket all-in-one-tool gets back to the basics with stuff they’ll need for the great outdoors and regular, everyday pursuits. It includes needle-nose pliers, wire cutters, large/medium/small flat screwdrivers, clip-point knife, phillips screwdriver, bottle/can opener, fish scale, and saw. Pocketknife can be engraved with up to 12 characters, plus a nylon carrying case. Only $15.95. Get it now!

9. Engravable Curved Business Card Case

This attractive business card case thanks the professionals in your wedding party with distinctive style. No more lost or crumpled business cards! Sturdy chrome with a brown leather overlay, contrast stitching, and free engraving. Only $21.95. Get it now!

10. The Thinker Desk Pen Holder

This exquisite reproduction of Rodin’s famous sculpture, “The Thinker” is attached to a heavyweight base with a pen rest. Doubles as a paperweight. Sure to be the centerpiece of any office, this attractive statuette complements modern and traditional décor for a stunning effect. Only $35.95. Get it now!

Once you’ve decided on your colors and have your wedding logo designed, the next step is to decide what elements of your wedding should include your logo. This is the fun part! There are so many ways to use wedding logos and monograms to create consistency throughout your day, but you’ll want to keep in mind that going overboard is a big mistake. Here Stacey presents 18 ideas for you to pick from, but be sure to pick only your favorites!

1. Save-the-Dates. Save-the-Dates are the first thing your guests will see, and using your logo on them will help set the tone for the rest of the decor that they will experience. Using your logo alone or with a photo of you and your fiance, are both great ways to incorporate the imagery and your colors. Magnets are my personal favorite, because your guests can use the magnet to hang up your invitation when it arrives, and it serves as a constant reminder to mark their calendars every time they go to the fridge!

2. Invitations. A no-brainer, your logo should be included on your invitation. It can be used in a variety of ways here, either on the top of the invite, as a watermark in the background, or even on the envelope. Make sure your text and color scheme matches or complements the logo colors.

3. Stamps. Custom stamps make all of your wedding mail seamless integrated into your decor. Plus they make a great addition to your wedding album!

4. Ceremony Runner. Custom runners are a growing trend in weddings, and wedding logos make the perfect motif. We suggest a white on white color theme, so as not to distract from the ceremony location, flowers, and bride.

5. Ceremony Programs. What do all of your guests usually look at as they’re waiting for the bride to come down the aile? The programs! Cover yours in your monogram.

6. Bouquet Ribbon. Make your bouquet even more personal with your logo on the ribbon that wraps around the stems.

7. Ceremony Candles. Often during ceremonies, brides and grooms elect to include a candle-lighting ritual that represents the coming together of the couple as one. These candles would look fabulous with your custom wedding logo front and center!

8. Escort Cards. Escort cards help to decorate the table as everyone brings theirs to claim their seats.

9. Gobo Lights. As mentioned in a previous post, gobo lights can be used to shine on your dance floor with your names in lights!

10. Cake Topper. Gone are the days of the traditional bride & groom statue cake toppers. Make your cake super personal with your initials, and take it home to put on display next to your album!

11. Cocktail Napkins. With cocktails flowing, have yours handed out with a custom napkin!

12. Door, Wall, & Floor Decals. Decals (which are basically great big stickers) make the place look like it was built just for you.

13. Wine Labels. Offer your guests wine at each table, straight from your very own vineyard (or it can appear that way)!

14. Champagne Flutes. Include your wedding logo in your toast, as everyone raises their custom glasses! These also make great favors for your guests to take home.

15. Stickers. So versatile, stickers can be used on all of your envelopes, or on practically any favor to make it customized for your wedding.

16. Hang Tags on your favors also add a personal touch.

17. Thank-You Cards. Your Thank-You cards are the last thing your guests will receive to remember your day, so include a photo of the happy couple as well as your logo to tie the theme together.

18. Wall Art. As a new couple, you’ll be decorating your home together. Use the first symbol of your married life together as wall decor, and you’ll have a reminder of your special day every time you look at it.

Here are some of Stacey’s great custom wedding monograms! Don’t forget that Stacey has created a coupon code for 10% off for Bride.net readers! Enter the code BRIDENET when you’re ready to check out, and receive this 10% discount on your custom wedding logo! You can also check out her blog for more great logo ideas!

If you have any other ideas for using wedding logos, please share them in the comments!

Radiant: This is a square or rectangular shape with the elegance of the emerald and the brilliance of the round. It’s 70 facets maximizes it’s intense sparkle. (photo: Diamond Ring Forever)

Oval: This is a symmetrical design which appeals to many small handed women. It’s shape seems to elongate hands and fingers. (Photo: Overstock.com)

Here’s another good idea, while you’re at it: The guys at GroomGroove.com suggest setting up a wedding registry on an otherwise uneventful weeknight. Turn off the TV, and make creating a charitable wedding registry a cool date. Says Golden: “It’s an opportunity to learn about the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. One recent groom chose Teach for America as his charitable organization, whereas his bride chose a charity that benefits artists.” You may be surprised to find out what charitable causes interest your fiancée.

I Do Foundation

Use this simple, free system to enable your guests to make secure online donations in support of the organization of your choice.  as their wedding gift to you.  You select the nonprofit organizations of your choice from their list of Recommended Partners, which includes Children, Youth, and Family, Community Development, Education, Environment, Health, and Social Justice.

Changing the Present

At Changing the Present, you can choose from over 1,500 donation gift opportunities, each at different princes, from adopting a tiger ($40) to sponsoring a year of schooling for one girl ($250) to clearing landmines ($50).

In addition to a charitable registry, you can order charitable wedding favors, which are small cards placed on your guests’ tables, saying that a donation was made in their honor. These favors include things like sandwiches at a drop-in center, materials for a struggling artist, assistance for deaf families, and more.

Wedding Channel

With a Wedding Channel registry, you can have your cake and eat it too. They will make a donation to your charity of choice every time someone uses WeddingChannel.com to purchase you a gift from one of your registries (in partnership with the I Do Foundation).

Charity Choice

Use their online wizard to create your own personalized webpage, customize with your favorite charities, buy bridal shower and party favors as a special honor for your guests, or give an elegant customized certificate as a charitable presentation to your wedding party.

Heifer Gift Registry

Help end hunger and poverty with gifts of livestock and training. With a Heifer Gift Registry, your gift will help families around the world become self-reliant and be able to provide for themselves, their families and their community.  You can choose from goats, water buffalo, chickens, llamas, camels, and much more. In exchange for their livestock and training, families agree to give one of its animal’s offspring to another family in need, so that this becomes the gift that keeps on giving.