That’s precisely what they are, gifts. Marriage is an important milestone, but your particular life choices don’t mean that anybody owes you anything beyond a warm “Congratulations.” And please spare everyone the lecture on how much a head your reception is costing. You’re the one who had to have the arugula and glazed duck; we’d have been perfectly happy with mac & cheese.

She also included a link to the “single most horrifying list of wedding etiquette in history.”

The list, plus many of the comments, got me thinking about weddings and gifts. Is there really a proper gift-giving etiquette? From the bride and groom’s perspective, do the guests owe you a gift? Do you think having them at your wedding is pleasure enough? And from a guest’s perspective, are you required to “pay” for your dinner? Is buying an off-registry gift really such a terrible offense against the bride and groom? Must you spend a certain amount of money on a gift?

Monica’s list, 88 Things You Need to Know Before Attending a Wedding states the following rules under “Gifts”:

1. If you receive an invitation you must send a gift! Even if you don’t attend.
2. If you can’t attend the wedding, you should send your gift before the wedding with a card expressing your regrets about not being able to attend.
3. The gift should be worth at least the # of people you’ve RSVP’ed x the cost of one person’s plate for the reception.
4. The exception to this is when a couple chooses *really expensive* plates.
5. *Really expensive* depends on your geographical area, not your preferences. Nice try though.
6. If you don’t know what a wedding plate costs, call the reception hall and investigate. This will at least get you in the ballpark.
7. The gift should be monetary or come from the bride and groom’s registry.
8. The wedding registry will not be listed in the invitation unless the couple is very tacky. You are supposed to call the maid-of-honor (MOH)/mother of the bride (MOB) to find out where the couple is registered.
9. Anyone in the family or wedding party is appropriate if the MOH/MOB cannot be reached.
10. Don’t get the couple something they didn’t ask for! It’s not clever and/or original, it’s annoying.
11. Money should come in a wedding card.
12. Gift cards are like throwing money away, so don’t give them.
13. If you insist on giving a gift card it should come only from a store where the couple is registered.
14. Don’t get the couple something they didn’t ask for! It’s not clever and/or original, it’s annoying.
15. Gifts should be removed from the registry to avoid the headaches of double gifts. Ask for help from a store assistant if you are confused.
16. Gifts should come wrapped in wedding paper with a wedding card.
17. Don’t get the couple something they didn’t ask for! It’s not clever and/or original, it’s annoying.
18. It’s nice to give the couple more than what covers your dinner plates, if you can and want to.

This list is making quite a strong statement about the “proper” way to do things. As such, it garnered over 50 responses, ranging from total agreement to shock and offense.  Some comments, from both sides of the fence:

Jennifer I have never heard of wedding gifts equaling the cost of your plate at the reception. There is really no way for a guest to know what the couple is spending on thier wedding nor should they try to find out… In addition, you do not invite people in order to get a gift, their presence is all that is required.

Bethany I think three times is necessary for the original gift comment. Many of our guests stuck to the registry, some deviated in a pretty acceptable manner, but we received an atrocious candle holder. It was not cute, it was not useful, and their gift was promptly donated. It’s backfired thoughtfulness… If you want to take the time to be a thoughtful guest, these tips are a good place to start.

Ashly I think some of the comments also rely on variables…  I actually showed this list to two of the brides whose weddings I’m attending this year, and they both were a bit appalled at the tone of the article, in addition to some of the comments. For them, while presents are nice, they aren’t going to begrudge a financially straddled friend who can’t afford a gift; because they believe their weddings are about celebrating the union with the people in their life they love, not expecting gifts over an X value…

Mardi Gifts are part of getting married, and there is an etiquette to them, just like everything else surrounding a wedding… Kudos to you for putting together a comprehensive set of rules and guidelines for guests! Thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish I could share this with some of my guests who chose to ignore the “rules.” (There are people who CAME to the wedding who never sent a gift – not to mention those who DIDN’T come to the wedding and didn’t send a gift.)

Harper I am getting married in 12 days. I found the gift giving section offensive as well, although I see that it wasn’t intended to be… having friends and family celebrate their union is what matters. In place of a gift a card of congratulations would be a nice alternative, and only a few bucks. It is also a nice way for the couple to look back on their day and remember everyone who was there if they forgot to sign the guest book… In weddings that I was involved in, my gift was doing everything from making favors to stuffing envelopes along with watching the couples dogs while they vacationed. Be creative people, it doesn’t have to be a material gift!!

Nikki I did NOT find the tone of this article to be inappropriate. It is well written and everything on there is accurate. I think people are a little confused. This is ettiquette for the guests not the bride and groom. The bride and groom should never expect gifts. That is not what the day is about. But a guest should never attend without a gift unless financial situations warrant this (in that case, I’m sure the bride and groom are aware anyways). As for the price of the gift, I have ALWAYS been taught that it should be at least the cost of your plate. Maybe this is one of those things that changes from region to region.

Jay My fiancee and I found your gift-giving section so offensive that it has inspired us to insert explicit directions within our invitation that we do not expect or want gifts; the gift is the person’s presence at the wedding. We are inviting 150 people, and feel this is the right thing to do. We already have plenty, and getting gifts would just be greedy.

Personally, I think that to expect a gift from each person equalling or surpassing the price a meal is silly and a bit immature.  At my own wedding 4 years ago, I was thrilled to have the chance to celebrate the occasion with all my friends and family. I had no expectations regarding gifts. The fact that I DID receive gifts was fantastic and I was grateful for each one, regardless of whether or not it was on my registry, or whether it was something I really wanted or needed. (You can always regift something, or give it away to a charity or to someone else who will appreciate it.) And I certainly wasn’t calculating how much the gift cost, or taking offence if it wasn’t on my registry (or not wrapped properly, etc)! In my opinion, every gift is a bonus. I invited people to my wedding because I really wanted them to be there!

Having said that, as a guest, it is proper to find out what’s expected of you, and in general giving a gift is the proper thing to do. It seems that in some circles, there is a very strong gift-giving ettiquete, as stated in 88 Things You Need to Know Before Attending a Wedding. A guest should do their best to be senstive and not offend the bride and groom.

I am curious to know what YOU think about wedding gift etiquette!

photo from janeandphilipswedding

American Bridal has some lovely options, including the stunning vintage-inspired Retro Flower Brooch (on left; save 36% on the retail price too!). Take a look at their exquisite pearl pin and jeweled dragonfly brooch for some other pretty pieces.

If you want to add some color to your wedding ensemble, without doing anything drastic, don’t you think a broach with colored stones be magnificent? I am loving this silver and garnet broach and genuine 1950′s vintage emerald-colored brooch …

… and these amazing brooches from graceful touch made from original, antique buttons, coins, and watch parts:

Perfect Details has a number of bridal broaches, including this one in dusty rose and topaz crystals and round filigree brooch with Marquis stones:

Another good site to check out is Best Bridal Prices. They have a beautiful selection of pins at discount prices. A few of my favorites:

If you’re searching online but having a hard time finding the brooch you want, try searching for hair pins. You can always change the type of clasp on the back of your pin so you can clip it or sew it to your gown. Below is a piece from Headpiece Heaven and a couple vintage bobby pins from Perfect Details:

So… where to wear the brooch?

I like the way this winter bride used a pin to call attention to her elegant fur trim:

At the hip, like on this Maggie Sottero, gown where the skirt begins to cascade:

You can add it to your sash, at the center of your bow for example, or to spice up a simple ribbon:

A broach also adds flare at the center of a plunging (or even not so plunging!) neckline:

You can even place your brooch on your bouquet or wedding day purse:

And of course, you can also wear a broach as a hair accessory, by having your stylist pin it into your hair for you.

Sarah Black, owner of high-end bridal salon Belle Couture Bridal, let’s us know what’s hot when it comes to the 2009 wedding fashion scene.

Wedding gown: If you want to go the unconventional route, don’t try a red dress this season. You’ll be sadly out of style. “Leave the bold colors for the bridesmaid dresses, not the wedding gown,” says Black. Instead, get creative with unconventional fabrics. “Think cotton lace and embroidered tulle, for example.”

Headpieces: Do you want to wear a tiara? Too bad. If you want to be style savvy, you’re better off spouting feathers!  “Feathers are a great accessory for a wedding,” says Black. “They add some flair to a gown or as a hair accessory without being overstated.”

Bridesmaids: Maybe you were thinking of champagne or a light silver for your bridesmaids… Oh no, not in 2009! When it comes to bridesmaid dresses, it’s all about being bold. According to Black, striking colors such as canary yellow, cobalt blue and Kelly green will be popular to create a dramatic effect.

And one more piece of advice:

“Brides shouldn’t be afraid to have some fun with color and accessories in the coming year,” says Black, whose bridal salon just outside historic Charleston, S.C., features nationally-renowned wedding gown designers. “While versions of white are always best for the wedding gown, selecting a bold accent color for the wedding party can add a real spark to those wedding photos.”

Source: PR Press Release

Put those bold colors to work with wedding favors like these hot pink hand fans or red Asian love coasters!

The NY Times also mentions a cool website called Bravo Brides. This is a fantastic forum for brides-to-be who want to save money by purchasing pre-owned stuff, and brides-who-were who want to get some money back on wedding items they no longer need. You can buy or sell anything wedding-related, from designer wedding gowns to groom’s attire, veils, shoes, jewelry, candles, isle runners, ring pillows, flower girl baskets, place card holders, cake toppers, centerpieces, wedding planning guides, party and shower items, and much more!

They also have listings for local vendors and wedding tips to help you save even more money on your wedding planning needs!

Why choose Bravo Brides? Here are their reasons!!

	We’re the premier one-stop resource for all your wedding needs
	You won’t find bicycles or fish tanks on BravoBride. Instead, we focus completely on pre-owned designer wedding dresses, jewelry, accessories, ceremony and reception items, wedding favors—everything you need for the perfect wedding. Here’s what some of our satisfied customers have to say about their experience with BravoBride.
	It’s easy to find exactly what you need on BravoBride
	With our advanced search features, you’ll find the items you need quickly so you can focus on more important things like deciding on the flavor for your wedding cake. Search for wedding dresses by style, size, designer, or price—to name just some of the options. If you see what you want but aren’t ready to buy, simply add the item to your ‘Favorites’ list to purchase later.
	BravoBride makes selling your items easy
	Listing items for sale and uploading your photos is very simple, there’s no technical knowledge required. We don’t charge any listing fees or commissions so you can sell your item at the best possible price. Your listing stays on the site for 18 months, giving your buyers plenty of time to find and purchase your items. You can upload up to eight images and make three image and text edits after your listing has been posted at no additional cost. It’s easy to track your sales and update your listings.
	We support the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women Campaign
	Did you know that heart disease affects more women than cancer? BravoBride is proud to donate a percentage of our proceeds to the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women Campaign to reduce cardiovascular disease and stroke among women. You can read more about the Go Red for Women Campaign here.
	BravoBride is good for your budget—and for the planet.
	When you shop on BravoBride, you’re not just getting the wedding items you need at a great price. You’re also making the Earth-friendly choice to re-use and pass along. Just a little something extra to be happy about when you walk down the aisle!
	BravoBride offers a range of features no free site or auction site can match. For example:
	Featured Item placement Advanced search capability Multiple photos My Favorite Items section Recommend items to a friend

Big bags, little bags, travel bags and make-up bags, beach bags, hand bags, totes, clutches…  striped, solids, polka-dot, even reversible! At American Bridal you have no less than 181 bag choices for your beautiful bridesmaids, and all of them can be monogrammed and personalized! With so many to choose from, finding a bag that reflects the lifestyle and personality of your girlfriends is a cinch!

Destination wedding? How about a personalized carry-on or duffel bag!

Beach wedding? That’s easy… a beach bag, of course!

Black tie affair? Your bridesmaid will need a stylish evening bag. These gorgeous little things are perfectly lovely, and you can order something to match her bridesmaid dress!

For the gal who loves the outdoors (but must bring food along!), consider a cooler tote, wine & cheese bag, or picnic basket!

A pretty cosmetics bags always come in handy…

Internet addict? Now she’ll never leaves home without her laptop!

Is your bridesmaid a diva? Maybe she’d like a lingerie bag, spa kit, or silk jewelry roll!

And, of course, you can’t go wrong with a carry-all tote bag. They come in all shapes, sizes, and styles! (Reversible ones too, so you get double bang for your buck!)

Last but not least, there’s even a ladylike little tool bag for your fix-it-up, do-it-yourself kinda gal!

Visit American Bridal for even more fun, fabulous bags for your bridesmaids!!

Looking for Groomsmen gifts, too? Great gifts for the Great Groomsmen!

Many brides search for the ultimate outdoor wedding location to capture the romance of their special day. If you are looking for a wedding spot that’s out of the ordinary, a vineyard may be the perfect destination, adding a touch of sophistication and elegance to your outdoor wedding.  Perfect Outdoor Weddings chose the top five vineyards where you can treat yourselves to beauty, serenity, enjoyable group activities, and fine wines, while celebrating the most wonderful day of your lives.

1. The most popular, Martha’s Vineyard, located in Massachusetts, is known for being remote from the mainland. If you are looking for that private island, Martha’s Vineyard is the ideal wedding destination — only accessible by boat or air. Martha’s Vineyard offers several unique wedding locations, including five lovely lighthouses overlooking the vineyard. Or you can tie the knot in a gorgeous gazebo at one of the local inns or vacation rentals.

2. Located north of San Francisco, another great spot is California’s wine country in Sonoma and Napa Valley. The Vintage Estate in Napa Valley is a 23-acre wedding destination, known for its wine production and lush scenery. Napa Valley is also known for fine art museums and antique shops. Sonoma County is home to beautiful pastures, wineries, and mystical rivers, offering activities such as hot-air balloon rides, surfing, and canoeing.

3. The charismatic Newport Vineyards, located in Middletown, Rhode Island is a delightful place to get married. The private wine garden comes with a wedding package that also includes on-site catering and personal wine tasting. Gansett Cruises offers a unique “Breakfast Sunrise” cruise that all your guests will enjoy.

4. Looking for a dreamy outdoor wedding venue? The Grand River Vineyard, located in Palisade, Colorado will definitely make your heart beat faster. The Wine Country Inn, features a breath-taking view of the vineyard, and has a beautiful gazebo and open patio area, perfect for an outdoor wedding. The whole wedding party can enjoy activities such as horseback riding, fishing and hiking.

5. Finally, Millbrook Vineyard and Winery, located in Millbrook, New York is a diamond in the rough. Millbrook Vineyard allows you to rent out the entire vineyard for your wedding ceremony. Set atop a hill, this quaint vineyard has quite a stunning view. In addition to outdoor activities like hiking and fishing, you and your guests can treat yourselves to an indoor art show.

Add the perfect touch to your vineyard wedding with gorgeous, unique wedding favors! ]]> http://www.bride.net/2008/five-breathtaking-destinations-for-your-vineyard-wedding/feed/ 0 http://www.bride.net/2008/do-it-yourself-hand-painted-wedding-gifts/ http://www.bride.net/2008/do-it-yourself-hand-painted-wedding-gifts/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:27:48 +0000 dena http://www.bride.net/?p=698 Everyone loves getting a personalized gift, especially one that’s hand-made… with love. I just recently discovered the joy of hand-painting my own gifts for people, which is a fun, relaxing hobby, a chance to get the creative juices flowing, and, of course, a way to show your friends how much they mean to you! A hand-made gift shows that you put extra thought into their gift, not to mention the time and attention you devoted to putting it together.

In particular, I’ve been loving these wooden items that you can paint yourself. Mirrors, picture frames, door plaques, wall hangings, keepsake boxes, bowls, trays, mezuzahs, and more! Check out your local crafts store to see what other kind of fun things you can make yourself.

Here are some things I’ve recently made for friends…

Another fun idea is a door plaque. This one says simply, “Welcome,” but you can also put the couples names, such as “Bill & Laura” or “The Smith’s”…

For your Jewish friends, a hand-painted mezuzah is a nice gift! (I actually used a wedding invitation I found online for the design inspiration… I am sorry but I don’t know where the original picture came from… But isn’t that a great idea for a friend who’s getting married… using their wedding invitation as the inspiration?!)

For a gift with extra feeling, add a personal message or favorite quote. I love these personalized frames from Etsy:

What will you need to get started?

• unfinished, wooden piece you want to work on
• acrylic paint
• paintbrushes (thick one for the base color and a slender one for details)
• varnish
• rhinestones, beads, sequins, ribbons, for extra bling!

Have a great time! The bride and groom are sure to love it!

Men, in my opinion, are always harder to shop for than girls. So I was excited to find a website dedicated solely to men’s gifts- MyGroomsmenGifts. They have a wonderful selection of gifts for your groomsmen, the best man, attendants, ushers and dads! (Groom, too!)

It’s customary to give gifts to thank the members of your wedding party for being a part of your special day. Whether your groomsmen are young and hip, or conservative, seasoned renaissance men, MyGroomsmenGifts has a great selection! There are sporty gifts, elegant gifts, useful gifts, luxurious gifts… all those manly things you’ll find on any guy’s secret wish list.

If you’re watching your budget, you can even “Shop by Price.”

Make your gift more unique and personal by having it engraved or embroidered with your groomsmen’s name or initials. Personalized gifts include travel bags, baseball bats, hip flasks, cufflinks, shaving kits and portable cooler bag chairs, all of which can be engraved or embroidered with your groomsmen’s name or initials.

Is your guy a sports fan? There are lots of sporty gifts including themed cuff links, personalized beer mugs, team watches, and more!

Is he more of the executive type? Give him something elegant and useful, like The Thinker pen holder, marble book ends, or personalized desk clock!

Does your groomsman like to party? There’s quite an array of flask and barware for even the most enthusiastic social drinker!

Those are just a few ideas! There are hundreds of gifts to choose from, and you are sure to find something awesome, even for the guy who has everything!  Note: MyGroomsmenGifts is also the perfect destination for other special occasions–birthdays, Father’s Day, Bosses’ Day, anniversaries, retirements and graduations.

Wouldn’t it be nice to include your guests in the parts of the ceremony they may have missed? Think about moments like early morning preparations, close up’s from the ceremony, and artistic shots of the bride and groom. Maybe you can include earlier memories, like the proposal. A large computer screen or projector displayed on a side table with a few flowers is a perfect platform for a rolling slideshow, making a great conversation piece for the cocktail hour or for after dinner.

Ask your photographer if they offer this service or one like it. It’s a great advertising tool for the photographer as well; alongside the screen they can set out a few business cards. Gabelli Photography in Vernon, New Jersey, is one studio that offers the instantaneous slideshow option.

Photo below is from cbmproductionsdjs.com:

The wording examples below are fairly standard depending on which category your wedding falls into. The examples below are given so you can get an idea of what it would most commonly look like. You can feel free to modify it wherever suitable.

Wedding Invitation Wording – Bride and Groom with Family Hosting:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Bride and Groom Hosting:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Both Sets of Parents Hosting:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Bride’s Parents Hosting:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Groom’s Family Hosting:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Children Hosting:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Deceased Parents of Bride-Relative Hosting:

Wedding Invitation Wording -Deceased Parent of Bride:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Deceased Parent of Groom:

Wedding Invitation Wording – Divorced Parents:

Wedding Invitation Wording -Divorced Parents – Remarried:

Divorced Parents (Parents of Bride and Groom Divorced not remarried)

Wedding Invitation Wording – Second Marriage:

Wedding Invitation Wording: Professional Titles

Most couples today include professional titles on all names, if applicable. Mr., Mrs. or Ms. should not be used with a title. Note that if you add a title to the bride’s name, you should include her last name also

For example:

Doctor: Dr. Julie Jacobs

Lawyer: Julie Jacobs, Esq.

Judge: The Honorable Julie Jacobs

Clergy: The Reverend Julie Jacobs (Christian); Father Charles Monroe (Catholic); Rabbi Julie Jacobs (Jewish)

Military: Captain (Commander or Major) Julie Jacobs or Charles Monroe

Related Articles:
Wedding Invitation Etiquette
DIY Wedding Invitations
Discount Wedding Invitations